The Silence | ✔️

13. O

I understood Michael. I knew that pain of wanting to end the suffering. I knew that death felt like the fastest route to peace and I knew how tempting it was to find it. Once in a while, breathing became a chore. Existing was more hassle than it was worth. How much difference would it make if I just. . . wasn't here anymore?

The scent of the sea reached me on the rooftop tonight. The waves were stronger, the breeze more harsh than it had been this morning. There were clouds covering the stars and I felt a tear slip from my socket as I stood at the edge and watched the world pass below me.

"Arian?"

I startled with fright for a brief moment until my mind caught up with me and I realised that it was a Aiden who was approaching. I quickly dried my eyes as he came to a stop beside me.

"Jules said you were on a break. I thought I might find you up— what's wrong?"

He angled his body towards me, staring down with concern. I'd tried to hide the fact that I was sobbing on the edge of a rooftop. But I couldn't seem to put the grief on pause. I wasn't a fan of Michael, but that wasn't the point.

"My manager— he um— he killed himself last night. I just found out about two hours ago and— I just—"

My sentence crumbled as I burst into tears. I'd been holding it in from the moment that I found out. But when I said it out loud, it made it all that much more real. Without hesitation, Aiden reached out and gently pulled me into his embrace. His arms wrapped around me while I nuzzled into his chest and I couldn't believe how instant the relief was. Hugging him was — it was soothing. He smelled amazing. His chest was firm but he was warm. He had one of those hugs that you would crave whenever you remembered what it was like.

"I just wish that I could have done something," I quietly cried into his chest. "Maybe I could have asked him how he was—"

Aiden leaned back but kept his arms wound around me. "Arian—"

"I never asked how he was. Maybe he just needed a friend! I mean, no one is that grumpy all the time for no reason! Maybe I should have looked a little harder—"

"Stop," he cupped the nape of my neck and lowered himself so that he could directly stare at me. It caused the sobs to choke in my throat. "You can't shoulder that kind of guilt. Don't—"

"But I—"

"No!" He said with a fierce tone. His brows pulled together as his gaze travelled my face. "Everyone, everyone, has shit that they don't want other people to see. We're all hiding something. You can't blame yourself because you couldn't see something that he didn't want you to."

I exhaled a trembling breath and nodded. I still felt a swirl of guilt that was making me nauseous. But he was right. I was hiding something from everyone. I made sure that no one could see the truth. And I never once blamed other people for not seeing it themselves.

It was then that I noticed Aiden's thumb softly stroking my jaw as he held my face. I met his green gaze and saw so much emotion in his expression. He clenched his jaw and the lashes that framed his emerald iris' were so thick and full. With each flutter, it would be easy to pretend that they were the breeze that was causing a storm on the seas. His presence was just that powerful.

It would have been so easy to close the distance between us. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted it so bad that my chest was rising and falling so damn fast. But then what would he think of me? He would think that I'm a cheat. A tramp. I didn't want him to think that about me.

"I'm not irrationally emotional," I broke the silence and noticed how he flinched. He straightened up and took a small step back. It wasn't much, he was still close. But it left me colder all the same. I took a deep breath and turned to stare out at the waves. "I know how he felt. I've felt like that before."