One Night, One Day, One Year, One Lifetime

Nine

15 May. Sunshine.

Every remaining day of my life was extremely precious to me. Gao Fei no longer went to work, for he had many things to do, from attending to my everyday needs to making other arrangements.

I was not unwilling, except, when I abruptly woke up in the middle of a night, I was filled with a sudden urge to kiss Gao Fei. I leaned over and kissed him on the lips. Since the car accident, this was the first time I had taken the initiative to kiss him.

Amid the heaviness sinking into my mind, I felt that there remained some loose ends in my life.

I thought that Gao Fei and I should at least have a night of beautiful memories together.

As my hands wandered to the buttons on Gao Fei's shirt, he began to stir, and woke up. Gao Fei held onto my hand and asked me what was wrong.

I shook my head; my hands continued to unbutton his shirt.

I said, 'Gao Fei, I want you.'

These were the most straightforward words I had ever said in expressing my desires. No man should have been able to reject such an enticement from a woman, yet my Gao Fei pushed me away.

Gently, he kissed my brows, and murmured, 'Be obedient.'

I should have listened to him. My body was frail, and it was impossible for me to withstand a night of love-making with Gao Fei.

But do you believe that a person's will could triumph the limits of our bodies?

I thought that, perhaps, my body had been possessed with something strange that night, for my heart was seized with a strong desire to complete this.

Without pausing, I continued to undress Gao Fei, and then myself. I felt that Gao Fei was beyond hypnotising, and I savoured him the way a witch would have treasured a precious tribute.

Gao Fei remained reluctant, yet he did not dare to struggle against me, afraid that with a slip of his strength, I would be hurt.

Under his body, I sighed as I pleaded with him, 'Gao Fei, just this once.'

In the end, it was only because I used my trump card once again, staring at him with tear-filled eyes, that I attained my wish. During times like this, I felt that a woman who could cry was a blessed woman.

I said, 'Gao Fei, before today, there was never a time when you were willing to make love to me.' When he remained unmoved, I tried a softer approach, and said, 'Gao Fei, as long as you're careful, I will be fine.'

Gao Fei was unable to contend against my words. His body towered over mine; slowly, he entered me, inch by inch, his movements careful, as though afraid that with a slip of his self-control, he would cause me to lose my life.

After a long moment, Gao Fei pressed himself closer, his movements halting as he forcibly suppressed his desires.

Beneath Gao Fei's body, I accompanied his movements. The moonlight which flitted through the curtains illuminated his features and I stared at him and his body, as though in a trance.

Slowly, I saw the moonlight begin to transform into the bright rays of the rising sun. Our night of entanglement had left me immensely contented.

I raised my head to kiss Gao Fei. Gao Fei did not manage to enjoy himself. He was unable to lose himself within me, to forget his grief even for a moment, for the worry and anguish which shone within his eyes could not be hidden.

Within this night, I was the only one whose heart was filled with bliss.

***

Do you like Tsangyang Gyatso, the sixth Dalai Lama? He was a person who should have devoted his life to Buddhism, but instead, lived for material comforts as he sunk himself into womanly pleasures.