One Night, One Day, One Year, One Lifetime

Eleven

When spring rolled around, Jiajing and I planned for a child. She discussed this with me as she leaned into my embrace, her face dainty and adorable.

I was reading the newspaper, and said, yes. With one arm slung over her shoulders, I said, let us have a child.

So, we began to make preparations in welcoming a child, for we believed that we needed to have a healthy mind and heart to await the arrival of a new life.

Fortunately, the both of us did not have much bad habits or vices. Jiajing's body was healthy, and after a few months of nursing, she would be ready for child.

But I made a special consult to the hospital. I had once taken eleven contraceptive injections to avoid conceiving a child, and I did not know if this would affect the well-being of my future child. I thought to myself that, if there were truly after-effects, I would have to rethink my decision.

The doctors gave me a thorough examination, then evaluated the jargon-filled report within the consultation room. Eventually, he declared that my injections had little negative impact on my body, and even if there were, as it had already been four years since I had last taken such an injection, any after-effects should have long disappeared.

Having received the answer I had hoped for, I nodded my head. Nobody would wish for a sickly child.

That night, the passion of our love-making reached the levels it had been on the night of our wedding.

The both of us believed that this was not merely a night of pleasure, but the intertwining of our lives forever.

Just like any other pair of parents, we awaited the arrival of our child eagerly.

Except, each time I showered after we did it, I would see He Yujin's indistinct body appearing before me. I wished that she would kneel in front of me, propping her head up on her elbow as she stared at me the way she often did. I wished that she would look at me. If she did, I would also crouch down. Without an inch of clothes on my body, I would appear before her.

I wanted to say, He Yujin, if time could rewind, I want your child.

I only want your child.

But the time had long passed, never to return. I did not possess even a single thing to remember her with.

This was an illusion, and I quickly came back to my senses.

How could I say such words, when I had already forgotten the way she smelled?

The child came much later than we had anticipated, arriving five months after we first began trying for him. Jiajing held a pregnancy test kit within her hands, two red lines clearly displayed on the small screen, as she laughed and cried to me, saying, 'Fei, we finally have our own child.'

I received the test kit, grasped her trembling hands, and pulled her into my arms. Soothingly, I said, 'Don't cry, thank you.' Then, I kissed her, caressing her face as I murmured to her.

It was a simple, childlike joy.

Now that we were with child, we began to make the necessary arrangements in anticipation of his arrival.

Originally, it had been early spring when we planned for a child, but after the time it took for us to have our bodies examined by the hospital, it was nearly October when we finally succeeded.

Soon, winter arrived, bringing with it a harsh chilliness in the air.

Jiajing told me something. She said that I was sleepwalking.