Chapter Thirty-Two

58.1K 3.3K 2K
                                    

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.


Renata had convinced herself that the results of the previous night not working out was a clear sign that it wasn't going to happen between her and James at all. She figured that the wine had done most of the talking, working James into an aroused state, and it just so happened to be that she was the only other person around at the time. If it had been another woman, she was sure that something similar would have pursued, maybe something beyond what she was willing to do with him in that state.

In her eyes, James had been at his most vulnerable with the alcohol in his system and even though she wanted to give in to his kisses and possibly even more if he had woken up feeling regret, she would never forgive herself. While James really hadn't spoken of Lily in the recent weeks, she had a feeling that James was still in the mindset that there was no one else but her for him. She wasn't upset by that, in fact, it wasn't her busy as she was not the one who was widowed.

If James chose to never pursue another relationship after Lily's death, he was certainly in his right to do so and Renata would still support him. She didn't care if she wouldn't be able to pursue him romantically because James meant more to her than just a simple crush and he was something beyond her employer. She would have liked to just give him the title of friend, but she had a feeling it went beyond that as well. The way she cared about him and about Harry, it was different from anything she had ever experienced before.

There was a way that she loved her parents, the way she loved her brother, and her extended family and friends. But there was something special about James and Harry that they succeeded in being granted their own category. No matter what, she always wanted to be there for them in any way that needed.

Yet, Sirius was trying to convince her not to give up so easily, that she definitely stood a chance with James. She just had to try again and she had to try when James was sober, then she would get her true answer. But with the pain, she already felt about James not remembering what he said the night before, Renata wasn't sure if she was strong enough to handle rejection again.

Of course, she had been the one to place her hand over James' mouth and reject his kiss, but that was only because she wanted to make sure that if he did kiss her that he meant it and it wasn't just because of some drunken fluke. However, with James having no recollection of anything besides the beef wellington, she didn't take that as a good sign.

If there had been something there, something at the surface, wouldn't she have seen it the next morning? He acted no different from the previous days as if nothing happened and that left her feeling plenty discouraged. And Sirius could offer all the encouraging words he wanted to but unless James came flat out and confirmed it all, it didn't do her any real good. 

"I shouldn't even be spending all this time focusing on this matter to begin with," Renata told Sirius as they remained outside, " I didn't take this job with the hopeful outcome of dating him. I came here to offer my support and help in any way that I could. That's what I need to focus on."

NEPENTHE ⟶ James PotterWhere stories live. Discover now