Until We Break (Formerly Wicked, Wild, Wonderful)

Original Edition: Chapter Seven

THE FOLLOWING DAY, NAOMI STILL HADN'T SHAKEN WHAT MR. CARSON TOLD HER. When she danced with Jessica, standing tall in the box of her pointe shoes and smiling at her best friend, the words still nagged at her.

"Ignore it," Jessica said annoyingly.

She fell flat-footed. "I'm trying."

Jessica held her best friend's hand. If Riverside ever had birds, they would be chirping right then, or perhaps if Riverside had winter it would start snowing because when Jessica held her, surroundings smiled. It was what Jessica caused without ever having to try and Naomi wished she could possess whatever that was. Jessica led her over to the bed and plopped them there on the nudish brown comforter. Ducking to see the look in the other girl's eye, she tucked Naomi's hair behind her ear. "Hey, you're an amazing dancer. Maybe he didn't mean that last bit. Maybe he just wants to see you portray a little more love. Giselle was in love."

Naomi crossed her legs on the bed. "Jessica," her voice trembled, "he said grief."

"Well, you don't have any grief," she snapped. "Why would you be grieving?"

Naomi toyed with the fabric of her sweatpants. The walls closed in on them. "Jessica," she said more to herself than anything, "you're-"

"-Right here," she interrupted. "I'm right here with you."

Naomi looked at her, really looked at her by watching her porcelain skin and noticing her assuring pink lips and kind eyes. She nodded. "So, no grief?"

"No grief."

For the rest of the night, Naomi set the thoughts aside until she really forgot them. She personified Giselle's fear and anguish and did her best to embody her subtle interest. Jessica applauded her every step of the way.

However, as the night turned to day, the thoughts came back like a rushing wave. Jessica helped her get dressed and kept her company as she walked but Naomi knew she couldn't speak what was on her mind. It wasn't until she was alone with Ben in the safe confines of their store walls that she allowed the thoughts to realize themselves. "Do you think Misty Copeland cries?" Naomi blurted, atop the store counter.

"Oh, definitely," Ben answered. "Have you seen that smile? You can only smile like that after you've shed your fair amount of tears." Naomi couldn't help but wonder what kind of smile she had herself. In the quiet of Ben's Equipment Store, Riverside felt worlds away. Normally, if she tried hard enough, Naomi could forget about the Academy and just sit there with Ben. They'd talk about nothing and everything and be at peace in their small limbo. But today, Mr Carson's words were still doing fouettes in her head. How was she supposed to face him today?

Ben wiped down the counter around the spot where Naomi sat for another thoughtful second. He continued, "Plus, everyone cries. Especially dancers."

Light pulled across the Riverside sky, overwhelming the darkness and birthing clouds that reached to touch one another. She turned to look at him. "Even you?"

Ben neared the edge of the counter and smiled. Because he knew that as always, the closing walls of his small store made every worry contrast the look in your eye and stand abundant and clear in the lines set on your face. "Everyone cries sometimes, Naomi," he repeated.

*

Everyone cries, Ben had said, and he looked like he really meant it.

"Or maybe he didn't mean it," Jessica was saying on their way to the Centre. "He probably said that so you wouldn't feel alone," she explained. "You know how Ben is."

Naomi tried not to look at her. "You think so?" At half past six in the morning, the pair were making their way to the Fox Performing Arts Centre alone.