Chapter 22 ⸸ Keeping Me Together

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“CAS! Cas! No-no-no- aw, man…” I complain. I look around at my surroundings and sigh, not finding the ice cream parlor I had planned on running off to. Instead, I see vast forests and a cracked, old road. “We could have gotten ice cream, man!”

“I don’t eat.” He says, walking along a dirty path into the forest. I follow him without hesitation, though if anyone else were to walk down a creepy path in the middle of nowhere I would run in the other direction; just not to an ice cream parlor.

“Okay, well I could have gotten ice cream.” I say, emphasizing the ‘I’.

“Is this just a joke to you?” Cas asks me accusingly. He stops walking and looks me in the eyes.

I sigh. “No, Cas, it’s not a joke to me. I just- I’m scared, okay?” I explain to him. “What happens if we don’t find him and everything gets destroyed? That’s on me and my brothers. Or if we do find him, but like Dean said, he doesn’t want to help. Also on us. And what happens if he didn’t actually abandon you, but died? If he was dead all along? Also on us.”

I run my hand through my hair. “I don’t think I can handle a burden like that.” I tell him honestly.

Castiel walks towards me, stopping when we’re mere inches apart. “You will handle it, because you have to. And we will find God, he is somewhere.” Cas says.

“I hate to be the pessimist but what if we don’t? Or if we’re too late?”

“I don’t know if you realized it or not, but it’s already too late. Too late was when Sam started to apocalypse; when you couldn’t stop him.” Cas says angrily.

“I’m sorry.” I apologize to Cas.

He nods his head and turns back away from me. “I know.” He says and continues walking.

“Where are we going?” I ask him.

“A nearby cabin, hidden from civilization. It is cloaked from demons.” He answers.

“That sounds like somebody who knows what they’re doing. Should we be invading their space?” I ask cautiously.

“What can they do? I’m an angel.”

“Right.” I say awkwardly. I suddenly remember a pressing topic we needed to discuss so I run to catch up with him and then speed up to meet his swift pace. “I have a new development in the ‘Rowan can break demon eardrums’ handbook.”

“What did you do?” He asks me curiously.

“Well- um…I threw Sam across the room.”

“You what?” He asks me.

“It was after you pulled me out of the room to talk to me, when you sent me back. Sam and Dean were fighting and I needed to stop them, so I screamed, and Sam- he was in pain- and he was angry-” I stutter.

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