p r e t e n d | Joji

a l t e r n a t e e n d i n g pt.1

CONTEMPLATION

as joji entered the hospital room, he saw the silhouette in which the hues of the sunset and haru's body made. he was surprised at her radiant appearance as she turned to him and gave him a firm smile. she didn't look surprised or angry she just looked like herself and that, to him, was the greatest look she could ever possess. as he approached her, he could see the pile of bedtime stories and mommy magazines on her bed stand. for a second, his mouth curled into a smile as he admired her efforts in motherhood, but that didn't last because he'd suddenly remembered what he had ask her to do before he left.

"get an abortion.
i'll pay for it"

haru smiled knowingly, suddenly becoming aware of what joji was thinking. that night, if she did what he told her to do,

she'd lose herself,
she'd lose everything.

they stared at each other for a while, not knowing what to say to each other. haru stared at joji's features one by one and joji seemed to recirprocate her actions. she was surprised at how tired he looked and how skinny he had become. she wonderred where the features she once fell in love with had vanished and why this was what is left behind. she puts her hands on his cheeks, feeling his cheekbones with her fingers. his cheekbones were always covered his cheeks, so this was a new experience for her. he placed his hands on top of hers as their eyes meet. his deep brown eyes was as warmed as she remembered, but the sparkle of cheerfulness was replaced by a glimpse of regret and pain. again, she smiled knowingly because deep down, she felt the same way.

for a long time, they were lost in their own wolrd.
they didn't know what to say or whether saying what they wanted to was better than staying silent altogether.

joji knew the reason why he came but not what to do. he wanted to apologize but he didn't know how or whether she would see the gesture as foolish. afterall, he was the reason why her life turned into a catastrophic scene in the first place. memories of that night, the night he left haru had been haunting him ever since no matter how much better his parents got or how high his music career skyrocketted, those memories were still eating him alive.

he couldn't keep the tears in as she greeted him with a smile. he didn't know how she could be so strong after what had happened. he didn't know how she could find it in herself to greet the demon in her life so sweetly. he didn't know how she had the courage to keep the babies.

he didn't know the many strengths she had within her.
did he ever know her at all?

she smiled again, a genuine smile in which he couldn't recall when it was that he had last seen it.

"don't cry," she soothed.

he pulled her body towards him and hugged her so desperately, as if she was going somewhere and never returning. haru was shocked for a second, but her feelings quickly transformed into bliss as she started to embrace him as well. they were a family, something she always wanted.

joji could feel a gentle nudge coming from haru's stomach and was reminded of the babies. he slowly pulled away from haru and focused on the tiny feet that was bulging out of haru's stomach.

"they're kicking again," she cheered.

joji watched in awe of the life that lived within haru. the life he and haru had made together. the life that reminded joji of how much he had longed for her. tears of mixed emotions streamed down joji's face as reached for haru's hands.

"i love you haru. i don't expect you to forgive me but i'm here to explain."

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author's notes
this is only part one to the alternate ending. i divided it into parts since i wanted each chapter to focus on the same themes of feelings. please stay tuned for part 2.
thanks so much for reading!