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Colt and I arrived at the party hand in hand, which made me feel all giddy inside. I wasn't sure what we were at this point. I kept rethinking about the kiss, which was much more intimate and passionate than the one in my car a few days ago. This kiss was serious, and meant more. But, we didn't talk about what's going to happen next, and I don't think we plan on it until tomorrow. I can tell at the moment, Colt just wants to get wasted on his last homecoming night of high school, so I don't blame him. I'd like to enjoy my first and last homecoming to some extent as well.

Colt had tossed his jacket in the backseat of my car and unbuttoned his white shirt leaving his bare chest out. I, on the hand, kept pulling down on my dress hoping it wouldn't rise as I kept walking and had tossed my heels in my car. 

From watching all the movies and hearing all the stories from my mother, the party didn't seem as wild and life changing as I imagined it would be. Classmates were standing around drinking or playing ping pong on tennis table and others swayed back and forth pretending to be more drunk than they are. Others sat around on the couch chattering and talking over each other, while another large group sang the most basic rap songs obnoxiously. 

Colt noticed some of his football friends and let go of my hand and left me for them. I didn't really care too much. I looked at the bottle of drinks on the counter and decided to pass on the liquor, and searched for a can of soda, instead. Luckily, I found a cooler filled with coke and sprite, and copped myself a chill can of coke. 

A drunk Andrea acknowledged and pushed me to join her and her friends in a game of Never Have I Ever, but I decided to pass. I for sure know I never done the things they did, and would embarrassingly never put a finger down. Holly had found a new victim to flirt with for the night and was leaning in to him, whispering who knows in his ear, making him laugh hysterically. I had nearly finished my can of coke and the classic tune, Mr. Brightside, had come on the stereo. Immediately, every single teenager in the house had lost their shit and sang every word at the top of their lungs. At this point, I know the cops will shut this party down very soon, all parties in this area get shut down quickly anyway. 

Throwing my can of coke away, and bored out of my mind, I decided to start my search for Colt. I didn't want to make myself desperate and cling onto him the whole night, but my boredom has peaked once some kid walked by and a blew a smoke of weed onto my face. I tried the main room, only to find a group passing around a hookah. I tried the basement, only to find a game of beer pong and a single juul being passed around amongst twenty kids. Imagine being the last kid to touch your mouth on that. 

The house was fairly large, so I tried upstairs again to the second beer pong game going on. Ding, I found Colt. He was in the middle of a heated match with him and two of his other friends. No one around was paying attention or even glancing at their tournament. I sat on a coach near Colt and watched him passionately play. It put a smile on his face as I watched him squint intently at a red solo cup and attempt to strategically toss the small white plastic ball. The ball landed right into the cup and him and his friend cheered and did some sort of boy handshake. I giggled at how the smallest thing can make him so happy.

Except, he was hammered. I saw him take another swing of a Smirnoff bottle then continue to vape on top of that. I know Colt goes hard at parties, but I didn't think he'd get himself this wasted, especially when I was around. I was hoping he would be somewhat sober when I take him home, but I guess not. Still, I sat behind him and watched him play with him not even noticing where I am.

"So, you and Autumn, huh?" Colt's friend brought up. My ears perked up, and I couldn't help, but eavesdrop in their conversation. Especially, at the mention of my name. 

"What if rocks are actually soft, but just tense up when you touch them," Colt slurred and laughed at himself. He is out of his mind right now.

"Dude, how stoned are you right now?" his friend laughed louder.

"Dude, was that a fucking pun!" Colt hollered and the boys were in a laughing fit, neither could breathe. Even I, slightly, giggled- at the slightest. But, I was still upset at Colt for his state, and I decided to let him finish this game, before I whisk him away and take him home before he blacks out.

"Autumn?" his friend asked again, too tired to covert a full sentence.

"Nah, she's no one," my heart tightened.

"Then, why did you drop Holly for her?" his friend asked, "I mean you have to be dumb to drop Holly."

My eyes burned behind Colt's head hoping that he will defend me. I know he is drunk and high and everything all at once, but I just want, no I need, him to say something- anything to say he likes me or I mean more to him than that. My fists clenched behind my back and every ounce of me hoped that Colt truly liked me.

"I felt bad for her, I thought I'd be doing her a favor," Colt shrugged.

My heart sunk.

"Ah, Colt, my man," his friend slapped his back, "Always doing good for others."

Good for others my ass. 

"Besides, I told Holly I might hook up with her tonight, who knows."

I wanted so badly to grab the nearest drink and splash it all over Colt's shirt. I wanted even more badly to toss his stupid juul away or break that vodka bottle against his head, but I couldn't. I sat in shock, not sure what to think. I wasn't sure if because Colt wasn't in his right mind he said all those things he didn't mean or because he was in his right mind, he said the truth. From all I heard, the truth comes out when one is drunk. So, this must be the truth of what Colt thinks of me as: a charity case, a girl he could never like, a girl he 'feels bad for'.

I decide to do what would hurt Colt most. I jumped up and left him. I don't care if he doesn't find a ride home, I won't answer if he calls for a drive. I'm done being his chauffeur for absolutely nothing in return. He played with me and kissed me, yet he goes off to say he did all this because  "he felt bad". Maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe he just kissed me, just to kiss me, and it meant nothing to him. 

It's absolutely true that he is into Holly more than me. It makes sense, after all he was supposed to go with her first. I shouldn't be hurt, but I am. He just kissed me to give me that homecoming experience. He didn't talk about about my feelings after, so it must be unrequited. 

I punched my steering wheel. As I was backing out of the neighborhood, I notice Colt's jacket across the back seat. I want to rip it and tear it to shreds. I want to toss it out the window and hope it gets covered in mud. Instead, I throw it under the seat and speed twenty miles above the speed limit back home.

Today confirmed my beliefs. Homecoming is absolutely and pathetically stupid, and I'm glad and I hope I never have to experience such memories ever again. 

Well, on the other hand, Colt was right. This is a night I will never forget.

lil short chapter, but it is what it is! hope y'all like it (or not, kinda ended w an asshole Colt)

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