𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ✰ jenzie

{two}

"I can force a laugh
I can fake a smile
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
I can do it
But I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
Cuz I'm only human."

- Christina Perri, "Human"

k e n z i e

"Hey." I say, plastering a smile on my face as I enter our apartment.

My roommate, Annie, looks up as I enter. "You're home early. I thought you were writing with Hayden at the studio today?"

"I was." I say, avoiding her glance as I pour myself a cup of coffee from the pot on the counter.

"And..."

"I was just feeling tired, so I left." Taking a sip of coffee, I look back at her and she looks at me suspiciously. "I'm gonna go take a shower."

Taking my cup with me, I head towards my room.

"Oh, and Kenz, don't forget about Nadia's party tonight."

"Right." I purse my lips and push open my bedroom door. "Another party," I mutter under my breath.

It could be an opportunity to forget about everything that's happening and pretend that everything is perfect. Usually, it just scares me more, because I could have a panic attack around everyone. I run my hand nervously down my jeans and lie back on my bed.

Pulling out my phone, I see a text from Hayden.

hayden <3 :)

hey, are you still mad at me?

sorry about earlier. i'm not really mad.

it's okay ❤️
hey, i have a friend who's a counselor, if you're interested

I take a deep breath. I hate feeling like a charity case, with people trying to help me. I'm fine on my own.

i'm fine but thanks

here's his contact if you're interested
Johnny Orlando: 774-272-3999

I'm not. I take one look at the contact info and roll my eyes. Okay, maybe it would help, but I won't stoop to that kind of humiliation. Never.

+++

The party is in full swing when Annie and I arrive. Bright colored lights and smoke give me vertigo, and I feel immediately ill at ease.

The loud music pulsing and wild dancing make me feel claustrophobic and exhausted.

"Heyyyyy," a guy comes over and slings his arm around my shoulder. I can smell the alcohol in his breath, and push his arm off of me and move past him.

"Wwwwait," he says, coming after me and grabbing my arm to turn me around to face him. "Aren't you Mackenzie Ziegler? I'm a ffffan. Love youuuu. Cccan I get you a ddrink?"

"Nope. Joey, move on." Annie comes up behind him and and pushes him away. "I got her a drink already. Stop bugging her."

He gives a unintelligible mutter, but stumbles off.