HURT | namjin.

twenty-four

*9 months later*

"Haneul, I want you to meet my fiance Kim Namjoon" Ji-hye said for what could be the hundredth time that night introducing him to some handsome guy.

Forcing a pleasant smile onto his face he took the outstretched hand of the man, he seemed nice enough. Ji-Hye had an unusual amount of friends, he'd been here for hours talking to random men and women he'd never even seen before. Grimacing a bit, Namjoon shook the man's hand and said "Pleasure to meet you"

"Pleasure's mine" Haneul replied smoothly, a much more genuine smile on his face. He seemed like a nice enough fellow, his fiance seemed to light up around Haneul.

He was glad Ji-Hye had some friends that cared for her, Namjoon worried sometimes that she would never move pass the loss of her best friend. But Hanuel seemed like a good enough replacement, he had a smooth voice, and pretty almond eyes.

Namjoon couldn't help himself from envying that man, he looked as if he had everything planned out. He looked happy, he looked content. That was more that Namjoon could say for himself.

Hanuel, almost as if he couldn't wait, couldn't even bother to make small talk bluntly asked "If you don't mind me asking Namjoon, when exactly is BTS getting back together?"

Namjoon's forced smile immediately dropped, he couldn't even force a smile on anymore. Sure, hundreds of other people had asked him this very question, but that damn question just bought the unwanted memory of Jin along with it.

"Before this year ends" His eyes fell to the ground, and his hand on Ji-Hye's tightened as he blinked back tears, "Bighit's given us no more than a year as a break" He replied hastily, he would see Jin before this year ended, he would actually see Jin before the year ended.

Not one of those delusions his mind would create sometimes to torture him, he'd see Jin. The real Jin, the Jin he'd let get away. Gasping in a quick breath, his hand on his fiance's loosened and he flashed the man one of his quick dimpled grins.

"Excuse me I need to use the bathroom" he replied not even waiting for a response as he darted up the stairs into the bathroom. Finally, feeling like he could breathe again.

Locking the door behind him, he sank onto the bathroom floor, thankfully the bathroom was clean. Carefully sitting on the mat on the ground, he rested his head against the wall. Eyes wide, as he gasped for breath again. He really needed to get his shit together.

He felt empty, dead, how was he even living anymore? He never felt a thing, he didn't even seem to feel pain anymore his mind was dull, his heart empty. Nothing even mattered at this point, everything he did we're just dumb distractions.

For god's sake he didn't even want to marry Ji-Hye.

He hated his life, he sometimes just wanted to end it. Be through and done with it. But instead he just took those damn pills, at least they sometimes managed to dull the emptiness. And they made him see whatever it was that he wanted to see. Popping one on to his mouth he shut his eyes. Tasting the bitter taste, he thought he missed Jin.

The only reason he wasn't dead yet, was he was waiting for Jin. He was waiting for this year to end so they'd finally be back together. He just wanted his family back, he just wanted his members back together.

He just wanted Jin again.

These thoughts were making him even more frustrated and angry, and shuddering he popped another one into his mouth. He felt a hand on his shoulder and shuddered again, not this again. Sometimes he welcomed it, welcomed that his mind could make him see Jin. Welcomed that these pills would help him to hallucinate Jin, but today he just wanted to be alone. Today he didn't want to feel, he didn't want to feel a single damn thing.

"Leave me alone, just leave me alone for once" he begged the torture his imagination had created forced on to him once again. He blinked back his tears, as his hallucation of Jin came to light. Namjoon buried his head into his arms as he watched Jin, he looked beautiful.

Just as beautiful as the last time Namjoon had seen him, he looked the same as he did nine months ago. "You should stop taking those" Jin said softly. Namjoon just stared at him, all common sense and though lost as he laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed. He was a fool that couldn't seem to stop laughing.

Well Namjoon, would show Jin just how much he listened to him. He pulled another one out, and rolling it between his fingers, he smirked at the shadow of Jin. Popping it into his mouth, he smiled "Now why would I do that? You left me after all."

Sighing the ghost of Jin just brushed his lips against Namjoon's cheek making him shudder as he whispered into Namjoon's ear "I love you." Namjoon sighed, he couldn't feel that, he couldn't feel any of that. Because that wasn't Jin, that was something he'd created to tortured himself, something his mind had made up when he was high on some dumb pills.

None of this was real. But Namjoon couldn't help himself, grabbing onto the shadowy version of Jin's hand. Namjoon laughed again, "I love you Jin" he whispered back, the Jin just sadly smiled at him. His experssion so much like Jin's that it hurt Namjoon. He smiled a little more.

And then he faded into the air, and Namjoon was alone again. He was always alone though, how could Jin have left him? He thought angrily I wouldn't be like this if wasn't for him.

He would be happy maybe snuggled watching a movie or fast asleep content with his life. He shouldn't be in the bathroom, with a bottle of pills, angry traitorous tears leaking out of his eyes. He could have been with Jin in this moment, maybe baking a cake like they'd so many months ago. Gasping he sobbed again, he was here and he was alone. He could have been happier.

But this was his life now.

~~~~~

I would like to explain something to you guys. It's about the length of these chapters. It's usually about 500 words which I understand isn't a lot.

I'm sorry but I prefer doing frequent updates too writing long chapters. ❤❤

But thank you guys for the 1k. I love you all.❤❤😭😭