Realization

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Back again with a weekly update. I'm becoming much better with sticking with a schedule. I think you guys should be proud of me!!! Many of you guys have been demanding an update as soon as I write one. Remember, I do not update every day! I update weekly. So you guys have to wait until the next week for the new chapter and I make sure that these chapters I post are long.

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Dominic caught up with me shortly after I stormed out of the mall. His guard had no trouble following me. He was right on my tail as I fast walked my way to the parking garage and made it to the car before me to open the door. Dominic climbed in beside me but I refused to look his way.

The drive home was in complete silence. Besides the sound of my clicking against the floor, the car was completely silent. From the corner of my eye, I took a daring chance to look at Dominic. He looked upset I just couldn't tell with who. His hands were clenched in a tight fist, his veins popping out of his arms and the receipt from the store crushed in between his palm. His leg shook vigorously in a soothing motion. His eyes opened and closed continuously as if he was trying to wake up from a nightmare. He created this nightmare now he was going to suffer in it.


As soon as the car came to a complete stop, I bolted out the car with the dress dragging behind me. I made my way up the stairs and towards our quarters before Dominic managed to grab me and pin me against my bedroom door.


"Don't touch me you brute. I don't want your filthy hands anywhere near me!" I growled as I pushed him off me.

"Watch your fucking mouth with me principessa! I would hate to smack that pretty ass of yours silly."

"Spank me? Why don't you go spank the many whores you have lined up because I know you liked that nasty crap."

"I WILL NOT REPEAT MYSELF, WATCH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!"

"Or what? You don't scare me! You've already proven to me that you're a liar and a cheat. I'll be out of this engagement within a week."

He let me go to regain control of himself. His fist opened and closed again as he tried to take deep soothing breaths. I know he wanted to punish me but he's the one who needs the punishing. I should beat him down for making me believe in him. 

"Veronica isn't a factor, she isn't even in the fucking equation! I will not repeat myself. If I have committed to us...then I AM FUCKING COMMITTED."

"Are you serious right now? How dumb do you think I am to believe you, to believe that your 100% faithful to me and this marriage when your keeping so many secrets from me! Don't yell at me about commitment!"

"You know what I think? I think someone has been waiting for a moment like this. I think you've been secretly wishing a possible situation that makes me look unfaithful and unloyal to this arrangement so you can go home without repercussions. All those moments in your room...I've been waiting for you quite closely, gattino. You've been plotting to get this marriage to fail and fall on my hands. You were never ready to give us a shot. Fuck, you still won't admit the cabin from 4 FUCKING YEARS AGO! You've been playing me this entire time."


My heart stopped. He didn't know the extent of my plotting but he knew I've been plotting against him. Worse, he was right about everything without having any actual proof. I've been wanting out of this marriage so I can have a chance for a normal life. I've been wanting to put this ugly past behind me. I've been wanting to forget the cabin ever since it happened. He knew exactly what has been happening to me because he was watching me. In a way, I didn't feel creeped out or angry at the fact. It made me feel guilty that he was so busy paying attention to me and my habits that I barely knew him. The only time I focus on Dominic is when he's angry and ready to kill me. Never when he's relatively happy or content. 


"What do you want me to admit? That when I was 16, I went to the river like everyone does every year to drink and party and I met someone who I thought could be the man I married? That I talked with this curly head beauty for hours, shared all my secrets and dreams only to wake up to an empty bed and no type of communication besides a fucking note? Or do you want me to admit that I waited almost 3 months for you to contact me or at least one of my friends while I was locked away in a tower for no absolute reason? There are many things I can admit but I choose not too and do you want to know why? Because when I think about those times or any times of joy peace, I remember everything being yanked away from me because of THIS FUCKING PACT! So sorry if I haven't been 100% committed to this." I snapped. The words flowed and the anger within me rose. I never stood up for myself like this. I've been known for my attitude, yes, but I've never had the chance to express my true emotions or feelings and stick up for myself. I felt empowered.


There was a long intense moment of silence. Dominic had his back turned to me the entire time. I couldn't tell how much I overstepped but I knew what I just said was not deemed acceptable in his eyes, especially now that he feels betrayed by me. We've both been making each other's lives harder then it needs to be. Seems to me we are both innocent people trying to live our separate lives but forced to live a mutual life together. We are different people. We aren't the same people from the cabin. Events after the cabin changed us to the people we are today. He is forced to be some heartless killing machine for his empire. I am someone who's been trapped and micromanaged for the best years of my life because I was born a female. 


After releasing all my pent up anger that I had towards Dominic, I can finally see the situation in a different perspective. A perspective that wasn't built off hate and resentment. We were both forced into something we never wanted. We both never expected us to be married like this. We come from two different worlds, despite whatever craziness my father is hiding. I wanted my husband to be completely different from who Dominic is and I know he expected a wife like Veronica. At the end of the day, we are both stuck and upset about it. 


Continuing this feud between us will only make us miserable. The energy I used to hate him could be energy saved. Hating him won't help the situation or make everything go away. Plotting against him only makes the mistrust between us grow heavier. For this marriage to end, one of us has to be the one to take the blame. I don't know if I can live with the punishment that Dominic will have to face for breaking up the marriage no matter how much I hate him.


Yet, I don't know if I can fully commit to this marriage. I don't know if I can trust Dominic enough to be my husband or the father to my future children.


At this rate, I don't know what to do at all...

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