Coffee & Nerves (boyxboy)

[20] His Lips

Jack's POV

I realize he's looking at me expectantly. Oh, right. He asked me a question. I must've taken too long to respond because he turns his back to me and runs a hand through his hair in a frustrated manner.

My eyes snap to the shifting of his shoulder blades and focus in on the small constellation of freckles between them. I part my lips.

"Thinking about you,"

~~~~

Sh*t.

I had not meant to say that out loud.

But it's too late and now that I can see the shocked look on Spencer's face, I definitely don't regret it. I should be glad I got to see his wide eyes and dropped jaw. He was stunned frozen in place. He looked over his shoulder but avoided meeting my gaze.

My eyes trailed down to his Adam's apple visibly that bobbed with a nervous gulp. I tried to keep my eyes focused there, and not lower down on his back.

I failed miserably.

I mean, I don't know when there'll be a chance like this again. Where I have the opportunity to just openly gaze at Spencer Hasting in his underwear.

Not in a creepy way. In a lustful way. I'm surprised I can admit that to myself. Previously, I would have felt a pool of shame collect in the pit of my stomach, but not this time. I don't have the fierce urge to cut off ties to anyone and everything that could present an emotional connection. I usually do stay guarded and closed off, occasionally even mean, in order to avoid getting hurt.

The last time- no, every time I've let someone in, I've ended up damaged and broken, with only myself to pick back up the pieces, which changes someone. It only leaves me to build up even higher walls, a harder exterior, more defense mechanisms against anyone looking to get inside my messed up head.

What if they get inside and don't like what they see? What if I become too dependent on their support, only to have them taken abruptly from my life?

It's not like it hasn't happened to me a million times before. But those thoughts barely even cross my mind right now as I stand gazing at the boy in front of me. And anyway, my brain is too filled with Spencer right now to care about the consequences.

Something has changed since that so-hard-to-forget crotch incident in the lunchroom. I feel more confident, despite the voice in the back of my head that's begging me to not start something we both know most likely won't end well. I still have the same amount of baggage and complicating factors to bring to a potential relationship as I did two days ago.

But it's not like I didn't notice the way Spencer looked at me when our current roles were reversed, and I was the one half-naked in his bedroom the other day. Or when I was soaking wet seated in his car, glad I wore a white shirt that day because maybe my abs would grab his attention.

And God do I live off the stuff. There's nothing like it. I swear Spencer's attention is more addictive than any drug out there.

The warmth of his body seems to have pulled me in and I'm several steps forward from where I had previously been standing. His back is still facing me and I'm not complaining.

No reason to not enjoy the view.

He angles his head sideways so he can take a quick glance at my face, specifically my eyes, where he searches intensely for honesty in them.

The unfiltered emotions held within my longing gaze at him must've shocked him because the skeptical look leaves his face and is replaced by wide eyes and an open jaw, which separates his plump lips.

My eyes take in the sight of those lips and his breath hitches simultaneously. This only adds to the intensity of my desires, causing me to let go of a strained breath I had been holding in. I worried if I breathed or made even the slightest movement it would disrupt the moment. But he's only making it harder to stay still and if I didn't steady my heart beat by regulating my breath, the deprivation of oxygen might just send me over the edge.

The air hits the skin of Spencer's shoulder and a shiver wracks down through his body, sending warm tingles up through mine.

I think that I must've ruined the moment when he angles his head further to me, revealing a face that went from openly shocked to closed off and conflicted.

But he's not incredibly successful in concealing his uncertainty and that sends an uncontrollable surge of hope through me. His eyes shift to the ground and he collects himself, taking a breath and licking his lips.

"Really?"

The question just about breaks me.

'Really?' Yes! Of course! He's all that's been on my mind for the last 48 hours! I haven't slept in days- and when I do- it's fitful and full of dreams where Spencer's figure haunts me still! I can't escape him. How does he not get that?

I haven't uttered a single word to respond to answer his question and Spencer's face hardens. But just as he turns to walk away from me, my reflexes kick in, making me grab onto his arm and he's pulled back up next to me where he can't escape.

It was an automatic decision that was acted on without any forethought. Now that he's in front of me, I don't know what to do- I did not think this far ahead. But I know that I can't let him leave again.

"Yes," I say quietly. Spencer doesn't seem satisfied with my answer and so I repeat firmly, "Yes," with a determined edge in my voice. And I mean it.

He relaxes slightly, then furrows his eyebrows.

"Why?"

I know he's referring to more than just why I've been thinking about him, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to reveal the type of answers he's searching for. Instead, I just push him back up against the wall so that every part of our bodies are in contact and lean in to bring my lips to his.

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AN: How're you liking Jack's POV?

Since this book is a mess anyway, I decided to stick with his POV for this chapter and not worry about consistency since I'll be rewriting all of this eventually. And also switching back to Spencer's POV didn't feel fair because last chapter was only partially Jack's POV and definitely not as juicy as you all deserve.

But this chapter definitely was.

I mean, if this isn't juicy idk what is!

Anyway, love you all and also I'm super excited for some new projects coming up! (It's more gay stuff, obv)

Love,

Leah