She's My Queen

Chapter 18: Tears

Sometimes I wake up in tears. Sometimes I wake up calling his name. Sometimes I wake up and feel a sense of longing so strong it makes me want to scream.
        It's been two months since I came back.
Sometimes I wonder if it was all a dream. But the feelings still lingering inside my chest... they just feel so undoubtably, real.
My mother is in a wheelchair after she hurt her legs during the car crash. My brother's back in school, and he seems to be doing just fine.
They didn't even notice I was gone... But I guess Catherine did a good job of pretending to be me.
I roll out of bed and head over to my desk. There's a notebook next to my pink lamp. It's filled with princess Catherine's diary entries. I haven't read the entire thing yet, but from what I've gone through, I've come to the conclusion that she had a great time here.
Sighing, I grab one of my math textbooks and toss it over the diary to cover it. Every time I look at it, I remember him. I remember that it was real. That I met a guy, fell in love, lied to him, broke my own heart.
But what really shocks me into the reality of it all is the fact that my period has been late for way too long.
   I grab the white, plastic stick I had tucked under my pillow for the past five minutes and whisper, "Please, please, please, please. Negative, negative, negatiiiive."
I'm on the verge of fainting when the timer on my phone buzzes, and I reluctantly turn the stick around.
      "Oh shit!" I yelp as the stupid stick slips from my trembling fingers. I watch it lying on the floor for a minute, contemplating whether I should pick it up or not, before finally giving in.
I pick up the pregnancy test and nearly faint. A large red positive sign is glaring up at me.
      "Oh, Edward," I whisper, starting to tremble, "what should I do?"
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     "Honey!" My mom calls from down the stairs. "You're gonna be late for school! Come on down!"
      In a daze, I stuff the stick inside the back pocket of my shorts and toss a few random books inside my bag before jogging down to the living room.
    "What took you so long?" My brother rolls his eyes at me as he leans against the front door.
     "I'm not in the mood," I shake my head, pushing past him to get to our car.
      "Everything alright, Natalie?" My mom asks once we're all settled into the car.
      "Uh huh," I mumble, staring out the window, feeling the pregnancy test in my back pocket digging uncomfortably into my waist.
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     Going to the library has become my favorite activity. It's the eighth time I've skipped class to read.
     "Edward...Edward..." I mutter under my breath as I leaf through the pages of an European history book.  "There it is."
      I stare down at the page, unable to believe my eyes. Ever since I got back, all the history books I've read have changed.
Edward did not die after his wedding to Princess Catherine. Instead, they were married for ten years and had five children before the two of them perished in a fire, leaving their young son to take over the throne with Edward's mother acting as regent.
Tracing my fingers over a portrait of Edward printed in the book before me, I feel a warm tear slide down my right cheek. Why can't Edward escape his cruel fate? Why can't he live a long, happy life?
     I rub my belly, where Edward's and my child is growing. He may be married to and having children with another woman now, but I cannot abort this baby. The same way I cannot forget about him.