Her Secret

twenty nine | good and bad

Zach's POV:

I thought I had an idea as to what I was getting myself into. I thought I would be more prepared this time, but I'm not.

I should have known that the situations would be different, that they would affect me in different ways but I'm a stubborn man.

I don't regret sticking around, but I've found myself becoming restless, testy even. Lenny was right, the hospital has dwindled her spirits and the chemo makes it worse. Mentally anyways.

Her doctors say she's slowly on her way to recovery if her progress continues moving at the pace it is now. But there's still a long way to go. Every time I go to see her she's struggling and it breaks me more and more every time.

There's only so much you can say, only so much you can do. I learned that from the last few months with my mom. We've all tried motivating Leena, we've reminded her that we love her and that we're here but she's fighting a hard fight, with good and bad days. And I'm so damn proud that she's made it this far.

Her family cries for her every day without fail. Dylan and her spend an hour or so together every day alone and every time I walk in there after he leaves I can see how much she wants to stick around for him, for all of us.

But like I said she's fighting a hard fight, and she can't always be so determined, so focused. Today has been an example of that.

Two hours ago

"Hey baby." I greet with a small smile as I make my way into Leena's room. I'm greeted with the sight of  vomit on her lap and she exhaustedly stares at it with a loss of words.

"Oh baby." I heartbrokenly murmur as I gaze at a tear falling down her cheek. "It's okay, you're okay."

"Please, just don't Zach." She emotionlessly says as she stares at me with her tear still trailing down her face. "Dylan went to get a nurse, they'll be back soon."

"Okay." I coo as I take a seat beside her bed and grab her cold hands. "I'll wait with you."

"No." She whispers as she takes her hands back, causing me to snap my head and stare at her in bewilderment.

"What?" 

"Once Dylan and the nurse get here I'm asking everyone to leave, I just need to be alone for a bit." She explains, but looking into her eyes I can see that that's the last thing in the world she needs.

"Baby, are you sure? I ca-"

"No!" She snaps, looking at me with dead eyes. "I want everyone to leave."

Present Time

I waited outside of her room until Dylan and the nurse came to help clean her up. I waited until she kicked Dylan out and I stared at her with hopeless eyes, pleading with her to let me help. But she wouldn't.

Her mom came right before we left, promising me she would stay with her all night which is the only reason why I find myself at home cooking Riley dinner. 

As I'm cooking Riley sits at the island completing his homework and we work in a comfortable silence until he decides to break it.

"Zachy, where's Leena?" Riley asks with a tilt of his head as his eyes stare at me with innocent curiosity. 

"She's been a little sick lately bud, but she'll be back to visiting you in no time." I explain, not wanting to lie but also not wanting to bring him into something he can't handle.

"Do you still see her?" He questions as I put his food on a plate and bring it to him.

"Yeah, I do." I answer, trying not to grimace as the thought of him asking to come with me crosses my mind. I know she won't want him seeing her like that.