Synonym

Chapter 39

As soon as my front door shut, everything that was said not five minutes ago hit me like a ton of bricks.

I climbed the wooden staircase to my room with Finn in tow. Granted, he didn't know anything was wrong because he thought I hadn't heard what his mother had said. That didn't stop my eyes from watering as I kicked off my black Nike sneakers. I heard Finn sit down on my bed but I wasn't paying attention. Instead I was spacing out while looking at the white, shinny top of my desk.

I'd always been a relatively confident person, but that didn't mean I wasn't insecure. It was never a problem for me thankfully, but I couldn't say with confidence that I was 100 percent happy in my body. Of course I sometimes wished for my faint abs to turn into a softly toned stomach or my calves to shrink into a models size. Perhaps even my muscular thighs were too much for most people.

Was it that bad that his mother felt the need to say something?

Did I give of a sluty air? Why is she assuming I'll cheat on Finn if she already said I'm too manly.

Did other people think I didn't love Finn? A hero complex. I knew with all the certainty in the world that that was not the case. I had feelings for Finn long before my rape, but did Finn know that? What if now he has all these suspicions creeping around his mind? I can't stop that from happening. Even he couldn't.

I didn't even realize a hot tear had rolled down my cheek until I was snapped out of my trance by Finn's soft voice. "You heard what she said didn't you?"

"Yeah." I muttered in response while glaring at my desk like it was the one who had hurt me. I refused to let anymore tears fall so I attempted to blink them back.

"Come here." Finn said gently. I reluctantly obeyed and sat next to him on my black comforter. Finn placed both of his hands on my hips and pulled me onto his lap so I was straddling him. His gentle hand holding my chin up between his thumb and forefinger. "My mother doesn't know what she is saying. She doesn't know us." He assured me while his green eyes arrested mine.

"It doesn't stop her from making good points." I whispered weakly. I didn't know what else to say to him.

"I don't know what part of her nonsense upset you," He started, not taking his eyes off mine for a second. "But I know you love me. You don't have some savior complex. I know because we were close before it happened and you and I both know that romance isn't something that's fostered through recovery. She doesn't understand that. I don't doubt your love for me and you should never doubt my love for you."

"Sure, I'm a jealous person but not with our teammates and I would never try to stop you from being friends with them. That's crazy. I trust you and I know you wouldn't cheat on me. I don't think lower of you because you're friends with guys. Especially since they're my friends too."

I closed my eyes briefly, shielding me from the intensity of his gaze. My hands found their way to his built jaw before I opened my eyes again. "I love you more than anything." I whispered, our foreheads almost touching.

"I love you more than the world itself." Finn responded without missing a beat. His warmth was spreading through me like fire. Every time Finn touched me it was like I was drunk on him. My brain went fuzzy and I almost forgot my name each time without fail.

I pressed my lips to Finn's passionately while his hand left my chin to hold my hips. The way his mouth moved against mine was ecstasy. I couldn't help but lean into his solid body when his tongue slipped into my mouth, teasing my own tongue. If his lips were like ecstasy then his tongue was like cocaine. It made my insides explode with giddiness to the point where my my core was practically trembling.