The Younger Girl

Chapter 39

Collae POV

I would often get messages from an unknown number. I knew who it was. I chose to ignore them. I blocked their real number, I wasn't sure how they kept getting through to me. Theodore would lose his shit if he knew Harrison had been trying to get in contact with me. Me and Theo had more important matters to discuss and lately I haven't seen much of him. He left to go on his college tour this weekend. I've been alone and have been trying to keep my mind off of the situation with Harrison and Theo was helping me to do that.

I wanted to text him and ask him how it was going but I still wanted Theo to put in more effort with me. I just wanted him to text me or call me. It didn't have to be about anything just a simple question about what I'm doing or how's my day would make me happy. Theo always made me happy before things got ugly with us. I wished to be back there maybe one day. I didn't know when that day would come at this rate.

I didn't know if Theo wanted to be with me or if he just wanted forgiveness and have me on his good side. I wish I could just forgive and forget but it's so hard. I just felt like I needed a little more time. Then maybe when I was ready to forget it all me and Theo could restart our relationship and our baby could grow up in a healthy home.

The baby was never planned and it was the last thing I wanted but the idea of having the opportunity to give this baby a full life I wish I had had with my parents, the option of abortion couldn't be done for me. I know that I'm young but I've seen other parents do it at my age, my grandma wasn't that much older than me and my father turned out to be one of the best men I'll probably ever know.

I'm sure Theo would be a good father. I understood that he had a future in his head and this wasn't in it, his flight activated and he freaked out. He wasn't careful and took responsibility, taking accountability is always the first step when making a mistake. Theo was still growing man just as I was a growing woman, people make mistakes, I just hoped Theo's mistakes he wouldn't repeat and would become better and learn from them.

Just as I was finishing up cleaning my room from my winter depression, my phone vibrated and it was a facetime call from Theo. We hadn't spoke much in the last couple of days and my heart dropped to my ass pretty much. I checked how I looked and just settled with putting a hood up.

"Cauliflower hi beautiful," He smiled at me through his phone. I smiled back and sent him a little wave. I loved when he called me beautiful especially on the days I've felt my lowest. Theo never made me feel ugly. Anytime I felt insecure was due to my overthinking and insecurity.

"Hi Theo, how's North Carolina?"

"Collae its amazing, its not as warm as I thought it'd be but its still warmer than Philly," he laughed and quickly flipped the camera, "Look at this shit, its big as fuck."

"Wow," The campus looked pretty big but old. It had that original building look.

"Yeah I think you'd like it here- that's if you wanted to ever visit," He quickly changed his tone. He would do this a lot when talking to me. He tried not to assume anything but still wanted to include me. I wasn't sure if it was for the baby or for me, maybe it was both? I wouldn't know about how he felt completely until we spoke about our relationship status again.

"We'll see, have you seen your locker room yet?" I smiled as he flipped the camera back to him.

"Yeah it was the first place we went, and shit,"he dragged, "I felt like I was in the NBA for real petite fleur, I almost didn't want to leave."

"Thats amazing Theo," I felt a little sadness brush over me and I tried to hide it. I didn't want Theo to feel bad. I was going to be sad when he left for school. I had two more years left of high school before I could go away. I had nothing figured out. My life was a mess and his was so put together. I thought about how we would even make this work.

"But...although it's nice here, can't wait to come back home and spend some time with you...if thats okay?" His eyebrows raised a little with a soft smile waiting for a response from me.

"That sounds nice," I could finally breathe a little with the thought of him coming home, maybe thats how it would be when he actually left. Feeling like I cant breathe until he could be with me again. How would I manage? If I feel like this now from him only being away for three days, I can only imagine months. Was this something I could put myself through? Could I put myself through wondering if hes making new girl friends and getting close with them? Could I put myself wondering if he would slip away from us being away from each other for so long? I almost couldn't breathe again.

"Whats the matter? We don't have to if you don't want to," I could see his smile fading.

"No, I want to, but we should really talk once you get back..." I couldn't deny that I wanted to be with Theo and try again but we had a lot to figure out. I needed us to be on the same page about us. I couldn't be all in and he wasn't.

I wasn't going to stop Theo from pursing his dreams, who would I be to make him feel like he shouldn't go to school and just stay here with me. That might've been what I wanted but from one of us being selfish is what got us into this. I wanted to do this right, and somehow make this work. I couldn't parent alone, I didn't want Theo to not be with me during those hardest months of having a baby. I couldn't think about him living it up at college stress free while I was breast feeding and having restless nights.

I hope I made the right decision, hopefully after my talk with Theo it will give me more insight on how to move forward with how I've been feeling.