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chapter fifteen i am not okay with this
☼ ☽
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Rome was not built in a day, but they were laying bricks every hour. At least that was what the famous playwright, John Heywood said hundreds of years ago. Jill had read his work a few times when she was bored and had nothing better to do than go to the library to rid herself of her problems. She thought it was smart to think that way. It made things seem much easier to obtain in the long run. It made it easier to think she'd make it out of Derry if she just put in a little work every day, but she didn't expect there to be flaws in her thinking. She didn't expect to realize the playwright neglected to mention that it was just as easy to knock down all those bricks, leaving the empire in shambles.
Jill Samson felt like the remnants of Rome's downfall. All her pieces were scattered around her like confetti. She was shattered. And she would just like the record to show that she was not okay with any of this, not even in the slightest.
Before you judge her, she would just like to let the world know, she knew she wasn't really getting anywhere with her attitude and anger issues. She knew she wasn't anywhere near getting out of Derry or improving her life in any sense, but after the events of the night prior, she knew that even the possibility of building herself up to a whole person was out the door along with any plan of escaping Derry's clutches.
She wished she could be okay with that. But she wasn't. She wasn't okay with it at all. If anything, it only made her want to rip out all her hair and scream at the top of her lungs.
That morning, Jill Samson awoke with those thoughts plaguing her mind as a scream manifested in her throat. The anger bubbled in her chest, igniting a wildfire in her lungs. She quickly covered her arm over her mouth and bit into the flesh to prevent herself from screaming. She squeezed her eyes shut so she could be comforted by the stars which formed in the darkness, but they never appeared and Jill felt like she was floating in a black void. A small sob escaped her lips as she blew air out through her nose and removed her arm from the hold of her teeth. She must have bitten too hard since as soon as she removed her arm, blood seeped from the indentations where her teeth once were. She stared in shock at the blood, watching as it trickled down her arm.
