Evolution, a Spencer Reid/Criminal Minds Fanfic

Chapter 52. Act of Trust

Reid stood near the door to Hotch’s hospital room once the others had left, his slumped posture emphasizing awkward discomfort.

“What is it, Reid?” Although his boss looked stronger, Reid could still sense pain, some fatigue, and the ever-present sadness that seemed to be the color of the fabric from which Hotch was cut. Or else something that goes as far back as his childhood and is just part of him now.

“I wanted to talk to you alone, because, well…I’m worried. And if there’s a chance I can set some things right, I want your permission to do…something.” He faced Hotch from across the room, leaning against the doorjamb.

“I’m listening, but I don’t know what you’re saying, Reid.” Hotch shifted position, trying to accommodate his immobilized leg. “I’m the one who screwed up. It doesn’t matter what the circumstances were, I left you. You and Ana. I left you guys alone…I’m sorry.”

“That’s part of what we need to talk about.” Reid shoved his hands into his pockets and moved a couple steps closer. “You don’t remember what happened. But it wasn’t your fault, and, as far as I can tell, you didn’t have a choice. Hotch, the woman drugged you and drove you into the woods. She left you there.” Reid’s voice rose, his anger giving it volume. “You were hurt and she left you there.”

“You saw her do this?”

Reid nodded, but the shadowed look in his eyes told Hotch it wasn’t quite that simple.

“I saw it the way, you know…I see things.” In the face of Hotch’s silence, Reid elaborated. “Ana saw it, too. We touched Dr. Bescardi together and saw what she did to you.”

Hotch had disconnected. He was looking at some internal landscape, eyes darting from side to side, trying to validate what he was hearing. But there was no memory to let him do so. Reid felt his leader’s frustration growing. After a few minutes, Hotch shook his head.

“I just don’t know. Again, I’m sorry. Where’s Bescardi anyway?”

Reid shrugged. “Rossi dealt with her. But there’s a whole legal mess brewing. What she did was…” he paused, trying to regroup his thoughts and stay on track. “The bottom line is that your testimony is the missing link if we want to stop her. And I really want her stopped. God, Hotch, she almost killed you!”

Reid looked away for a moment before continuing. “Hotch, I might be able to help you remember, but…” He swallowed a growing lump of fear that had decided to lodge in his throat. “…but I don’t know for sure if it’ll work, and I’m scared of…stuff.”

The profiler in Hotch pricked up its ears. With a grunt, he pulled himself up, using the pillows at his back to help prop himself into a more alert sitting position.

“What are you afraid of?” No response. “Reid? You can tell me.” The expression on his youngest agent’s face tugged at Hotch’s heart. So much talent. So much intellect. And still…he doubts himself.

He blanched when the faintest whisper of a voice, not his own, wafted through his mind: So do you, Hotch.

Reid saw shock and fear despite Hotch’s ability to control his facial expressions. Reid closed his eyes and bent his head, unable to make eye contact. “See? That’s what I’m afraid of. And you should be, too. It’s changing. It’s growing. Evolving.

Reid felt panic in Hotch’s mind…but only for a moment. What came next was part a gargantuan effort to overcome fear, and part Hotch reminding himself who was standing before him, looking dejected and suffering the harshest self-criticism of his young life. Mostly, Reid felt an undercurrent of Hotch’s fierce desire to help. He could hear his boss telling himself over and over, almost chanting it, that the unknown is only frightening until you step into it and transform it into the known.