@LusciousLondonLissie, 9.43pm

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Oh, Mats

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Oh, Mats.

I'm still raging about that utter cow. I swear if I were there, I'd take her down personally. Blood all over my hands like a true Lady M. But, as I'm not, I've thought about how you could get back at her.

You need to pay for a plane ticket so that I can come to Tennessee, break into her house, and do the following things:

1. Clean her toilet with her toothbrush

2. Rub her bed sheets with raw chillies

3. Steal one of every sock and show that she owns

4. Put itching powder in her shampoo

5. Sprinkle cress seeds and water on her carpet

6. Sew kippers into the lining of her curtains

7. Buy identical pieces of clothing in a smaller size and switch the labels so that she thinks she is gaining weight

Lydia has just read this over my shoulder and suggested I go for a psychiatric evaluation. She is so damn dramatic. 

To be serious for a second, you should step on this cow's toes a bit, to let her know that you don't go down without a fight. Think about that time that Eliza Turner invited every girl in her dorm except Midge Crewes-Fulton to stay at hers over Easter break. Did Midge sit at home and cry her eyes out and feel sorry for herself? Hell no. She spent all holiday learning the songs in Funny Thing so that she could beat out Eliza for the lead in the Sixth Form musical.

Find the thing this cow loves and encroach on her territory.

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