Project: Socialize (Chapters 1-197)

134. Final Decision

"Hmm," Luna exclaimed as she placed the last of her cheesecake into her mouth. "Cheesecakes are the best."

I remained silent as I watched as she enjoyed her favorite dessert, taking in how happy she appeared. From my experience with her, whenever we were to go out to eat and if cheesecakes are available to order, she would always order it, no matter what. Every time she would eat one, on her face would be a look of great relaxation and joy, almost as if she was born to enjoy the sweetness of the delicious sweet dessert. To allow her to enjoy that joy to the greatest extent, I remained silent, but it was also for myself as well. The bitterness of the black coffee still lingered about in my mouth and even the sweet muffin that I consumed was unable to cleanse my palates.

I looked down at the table with disturbed eyes as I contemplated what it was that I had experienced today. It was weird, like really weird for me. I'm confused as to why I would be put in such a foul mood by her simple statement that we're simply just friends, and for some reason, that mood turned into a strong bitterness when she revealed to me that her heart was still lingering on someone else. I'm confused, like really confused. There's just so much going on inside her labyrinth of a mind that I can not find a way out. Everything's just so complicated with her, and despite her outgoing and carefree nature, I still cannot see into the depths of her soul.

I'm probably bothered by another thing. Why is it that she chose to torment me with the news of her death? And it just so happens to be after I developed a great interest in her character that this all occurred... It's almost as if it was planned, but... maybe it's not and it's just how things are supposed to go. Maybe this is what people call fate, but why must we obey what fate has planned? Why must I suffer from seeing her, this energetic and optimistic girl, slowly lose her charm as she slowly succumbs to the wrath of her disease. Who am I to her? What does she mean by I'm more than a friend? What does any of her actions mean?

"This place is pretty good," Luna said out loud. "Maybe I should stop by with Erith someday in the future."

"Luna," I started speaking. My voice was oddly quiet as it encompassed my clouded state of mind and represented the great uncertainty and confusion I felt inside. This voice of mine will be asking her about the one question that I feel as if that is truly bothering me, so I calculated the diction and syntax of the question, hoping to communicate to her how lost I am in this labyrinth of hers. How I hope that I'm given a simple rope to find my way about this complicated maze of hers...   

"Yeah?" she looked over at me with a casual smile on her face.

"In your eyes," I said after a momentary pause of nervousness. Then, I let out a sigh as I finally gathered enough courage and continued with my inquiry. "What am I?"

"Didn't I answer that already?" she said with an oblivious look on her face as she was unaware of my mental struggles and continued on as if everything was as usual."Your more than a friend."

More than a friend... I sighed in my mind. If one's relationship can be split into pyramids, with strangers being at the very bottom and with family being at the very top, then I believe I am stuck in a purgatory hell that's slightly above friends. If one separates the grouping of friends into normal friends and dear friends, then I would say that dear friends will be right next to lover being both people that one can share their secrets with. However, only lovers can become family, and a dear friend will only remain a dear friend. Nothing will change for me, but maybe this is for the better. Even though I know this fact, I still cannot bring my mind away from how bitter the coffee was.

"As in you're someone that's very special to me," she continued with a playful smile on her face. "Alevian," she then said in a firm voice as she gazed into my eyes. "Out of the few people in this world that know of my condition, you're the only one that I chose to know about it. The others are the doctors who diagnosed me and my parents, who I could not choose to refrain them access to this information." Then, she leaned forward so that her lips were near my ear. "You're the person that I chose to accompany me until the very end."

So that's what she meant... 

At that moment, I felt as if the labyrinth suddenly became less complicated as I was shown a path. I cannot believe that I was pulling my hair out for such a simple explanation. It's almost too funny to me that I would fall victim to such troubles, but... it's oddly satisfying now that the truth is given to me straight up. My job is to accompany her until the very end, make it so that her last days in this world can be concluded on a good note. I don't really see a clear purpose or a method as to how to do so, but... now that I'm assigned a definite role, then all should be simpler. I still cannot believe how foolish I was to even be puzzled over things like this... I should've known earlier when she told me about the boy that she loved and how her heart still yearned for him. At least I'm not a replacement, but someone that she specifically chose out of all of those that she knew to be with until her very end. I was simply too foolish.

I still did not understand what she had meant earlier on about seizing the opportunity at love in the future, but... it didn't mattered to me anymore at that moment. My job is to escort her through life until she steps foot in her grave. Maybe I will hold her hand on the way, maybe I'll have to endure sadness and difficulties along her side, but when it comes time for us to say goodbye and for her to lay into her coffin, it will be done with smiles on our faces. There might be tears, but that will not conceal that bright smile on our faces as we wave goodbye to each other and appreciate the times we spent together. Obviously, I will be sad, but in the end, I will forever carry these memories of her within me until the day I enter my coffin. Maybe in another world, we will meet again. Or maybe when our souls reincarnate, we will be able to meet each other sometime in the future. Even though we will not recall the time that we had spent together in this lifetime, I'm sure our soul will understand that there's a certain attraction between us. Romantic or not, it will be there, and it will bring us together and reunite us. Therefore, at that very moment in the cafe, I accepted my role in her life and her inevitable end, a decision that will never change. I will walk her down the isles with her hand in mine to her casket and watch as she's slowly lowered into the earth.

"Alevian?" she smiled and waved a hand before my face in order to snap me out of my dazed trance of imagining the metaphoric end.

"Nothing," I smiled at her, feeling as if my eyes had become extremely wet and lacked the dryness they usually sported. 

"Really?" she asked, gently poking my face with her cold fingers. Then, that look of inquiry on her face was soon replaced by a content smile. "It looks like your mood is really better now."

"Of course it is," I responded

"That's good," she nodded as she got up from her seat. "I wouldn't want to be with someone who's always so sad when I'm about to die."

"I promise you I'll see you off with a smile," I said as I followed her towards the front counter to pay.

"You better," she said, looking over at me after scanning her phone with the scanner. "Or else I won't be able to die in peace."

"I will," I sighed and brought my phone to the scanner, but I realized that it wouldn't scan. It was only then that I discovered that she had paid for me. I looked over at her in surprise, but my countenance softened as I saw a familiar gesture from her as she stood there with both arms reached outwards. With a soft smile, I walked up to her and embraced her, feeling the warmth of her body and her beating heart in my arms.

"You better not break that promise," she whispered softly. 

"I won't," I responded, closing my eyes and not caring about the fact that we were still in the cafe and could be seen by the many employees as well as other customers. None of that mattered at the moment to me. Instead, my mind was focused on this girl in my arms who smelled of a flower whose name was long lost in my memories.

Author's Note:

So I guess many of you have noticed now. Every single interaction Alevian has with Luna always ended with an embrace. Now, what's the significance in that? Comment your answers. I'm really curious. Thank you.