Day one when I awoke within this body. Blood.
Day two. Blood.
Three. Blood.
The next day, there was more blood. The day after that, the same thing. On and on and on and on it went and continues to go. Red is no longer a normal color. It's now something quite beautiful, and at the same time, quite unpleasant at the same time.
His hair is red. I remember that. Red hair. A bright red. Like blood, though lighter. Red is disgusting. Red is traumatic. Red is unholy, unsanitary, disturbing, and...
Unique.
I am unstable right now, I know that. I'm not sure whether or not I'm truly me. Who even is me? He calls me Seraphim. A god called me that. He hated me, and I hated him, though there was a deep sense of respect. By deep, I mean it was buried deep within the both of us.
This body that I have claimed I am growing fond of the soul that resides within it, even after a single hour with him. Three days ago, I trained with him. I was against another prototype, as he called us, and I had successfully won to his liking. I have a strange urge to please him. It must be the machinery that isn't ordinary in the slightest, that he has implanted within this body. It's a grotesque sight, where metal meets flesh; but at the same time, I see I have his eye, as I find it quite beautiful, too.
How utterly disgustingly disturbing. It makes me sick to my core the things I find pleasing now that I know I once didn't.
Mikaela Shindo...
Mikaela...
Mika...
What a beautiful, unique name. I find warmth within it, though I know nothing about him. I only know what Yuichiro knows, but I cannot feel what he feels toward this man. It is quite special, so I really do thank him for keeping his emotions locked away in the depths of his soul that I cannot reach and take as my own. Yuichiro is quite strong, and I am growing weaker and am becoming susceptible to his every demand, every wish, every desire.
What has become of this once beautiful, innocent creature?
I truly do hope Lord Shindo was right and that he stays true to his word. I'm unsure how much longer I can truly be human before giving in to the machine. Not only that, but sooner than I've expected, I'll have to deal with the soul of Heaven's Crown which will undoubtedly triumph mine within a mere minute.
I have quite some time to myself these days, though it's becoming less and less. He says I am surpassing his every expectation and desire, and that things are moving along swiftly. Although, I know it makes him anxious when I get the overwhelming desire to kill; to feel blood rushing through my fingers; flesh tearing at my nails. It's disgusting.
But, for now, I am alone. I'm left to my own devices consisting of my thoughts ranging from psychopathic and somewhat sadistic, to self-loathing and soul-biting depression. Aside from myself, the consciousness of Yuichiro, which is actually quite different from mine, as I've learned we are two different personalities- two different being, maybe even- I enjoy talking to. He is quite a unique person full of light and innocence I know can be easily stolen and corrupted. His innocence isn't stolen. It's merely tainted, contrary to his belief.
He believes he is broken, but I know that is not so. How? Because things that are broken are meant to be fixed. Things that are not yet broken have yet to be completed. Everything breaks, but he is not there yet. To be broken means that once you are fixed, you are complete more so than you were before.
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You Always Build It Better the Second Time Around
Fanfiction*(Now on Archive of Our Own/AO3)* Mikaela, a lower god loved by both gods and humans alike, has been working on his own granting wishes of all kinds and has always refused gifts from the higher gods. That is, until one day, he reluctantly (might he...
