You Always Build It Better the Second Time Around

Chapter 34 - Meet (Me Here)

Here. Here it is neither warming nor freezing. Here it isn't happy, but sad. Here it is burning. Like my soul. Like my hands. Like the reflection in my eyes of the flames all around. The color of these flames are almost as nightly as this thick, billowing smoke in my eyes- in my lungs. It burns. Here in this place where I am now. Here on these lands that I have waged war against the devil himself. Here. Here is where I stepped foot first. Here is where I breathed the once fresh air, now smoke, through these now quivering lips, coated black with ash, dust, and dirt. Debris of this now corrupted land of chaos litters across the floor where my feet wander endlessly, my eyes looking around blindly, and my flesh burning and tearing numbly. Here is the place that I fight for what I believe in.

Here is the place...

Where I will die protecting him.

I am the only one Nikolai can have in order for his Heaven's Crown experiment to win. I feel Seraph grow unsteady, and I know he wishes to take over for me, so that I can die painlessly and in a peaceful dream of the happiness Mikaela and I would share, and the future of what never can be. I am not worthy of this peace. If I am the better half of us, then I have to act like it. I have to protect the innocent part of me- Seraph. I hope his share of our soul, at the very least, will be collected and brought where all souls are once they encounter death. I hope that, even with the sins I have committed, and the things I could've stopped and yet allowed to happen, Seraph, at least, will be able to finally be in peace in the heavens. I do not mind burning in hell for their sake.

For Mikaela. And Krul. And Yoichi, Kimizuki, Mitsuba, and Shinoa.

I do not mind nor fear my death. It is what I deserve, after all, is it not? If it were not to be this way, then it wouldn't be this way right now.

I know what I must do, and I will do it.

I'll fight to remain, even though I know I will not. So... I'll fight so that Mikaela will remain. I truly do hope he finds someone to love- his true soulmate- that person that will never leave or abandon him.

"I'm sorry, Mikaela, love," I mutter, embracing these flames all around me as my eyes set upon the arrival of my Grim Reaper. "I know I promised-" from all around me, four beings lung into the air, daggers and swords in hand aiming straight for me "-But I won't be able to make it home with you. I hope you'll be able to forgive me. In fact, I pray you will."

And as expected, the four angels of destruction under Nikolai's strong and sturdy command, lung toward me, weapons in hand and eager to shed my blood. If Mikaela can't have me, then no one can. Not yet, at least, as Death will get the last of me. In fact, I can feel her presence, stalking me like prey; watching my every move, recording and documenting my every action into a book accounting my life up until this point- my death.

But I am not here to simply roll over and die. If I'm going to die, then I'm going to bring Nikolai down with me, no matter what happens. I see the smoke morph as quick strikes toward my body are made. All made in vain. Seraph is trying to take over at this point, but I won't let him. I can't. This is something I must do, no matter how selfish I'm sounding or even acting. This is my true atonement, and no matter how many sobs from within my soul of my other half screaming out to stop and leave before I get hurt- I cannot do that. I nearly dodge their attacks as two disappear into the smoke I am now lost within, and the other still charging after me with everything he's got. I wish I could save him. Him who I feel I've seen before. Or, rather, whom Seraph has seen before. Crowley said I was strong enough, so strong I will be, no matter how scared.

I wish I could save these four innocent souls. But, I cannot. Four lives for trillions all across the many realms, or so I'm guessing. I'm sure there are far more than that.