The Senior Trip

Chapter 13

HARPER

"I hate the friend zone," I say with a heavy sigh.

"When did it happen for poor Ezra?" Asher asks with a chuckle.

"What do you mean?"

"When did he get in the friend zone? Like, how did it happen?" His eyes are steadily looking into mine and for a second my brain goes blank like they have the power to erase my thoughts.

"Um," I stall. I shake my head. "I guess it happened gradually." I think back on how our friendship had evolved. "We were friends before we even knew how relationships work."

"Okay, I get that, but at some point, you learned how they work and you also started getting feelings for people, so why not each other?" Asher leans back in his seat. The bus makes a cranky mechanical sound and pulls away from the curb.

I take a minute to look at the town we are beginning to drive through. When had it happened? Had I always known he'd only ever be a friend?

"I'm not sure," I tell him honestly. "I think one day we just knew."

"So, it just dawned on you," he says as if that isn't possible.

"I guess there were signs along the way," I admit.

"Let's hear them," he says, turning in his seat so he could look at me easier. His attention makes me nervous.

"Well, I guess the first was not feeling anything special when he and I touched." I know that's going to need more explanation. "You know when you are hanging out with someone and you accidentally bump into them or maybe even have to touch them on purpose? It didn't feel any different than touching any of my other friends. When you like someone, you feel a little zap"

"Okay, so no 'lust zap.'" Asher says playfully, using his fingers to box in the term with air quotes.

"Yep," I confirm. "No lust, no zap."

"So, what else?"

"Um," I think hard again. "I don't think about him constantly. It's like I always know he's there, but he's not the first thing on my mind."

Asher pinches his lips together and nods. I wince. He still thinks about Jess all the time, obviously.

"And," I add, "I don't get jealous of anyone when they hang out with him. I don't always like sharing his time, but I'm not jealous he is giving it to another girl or anything."

"Make sense," he says. He turns and presses his back against his seat as if his shoulders were now heavier. He lets out a long, loud sigh, but his gaze is off in the distance. I probably shouldn't have brought up the jealousy point. This week is going to be peak jealousy season for him as Jess runs free in Mexico with our classmates and the locals.

"Oh," I practically shout, "and nicknames!" Surely, he and Jess have nicknames for each other. Maybe if he remembers them he won't feel so friend zoned.

"We never did that," he says almost as if he could read my thoughts. "Jess hated being called a name other than Jess."

I slump back down in my seat. Oops.

"Maybe that one isn't as important. Not all couples do that," I assure him.

"I always wanted to," he replies, letting the words drift off as the town flew past our window.

"Next time," I practically whisper. I can feel his sadness reaching over to wrap its invisible hand around my throat.

"Yeah, maybe."

We sit in silence for a few minutes before Asher says, "You know, I miss that feeling of wanting to be with each other all the time too. I feel like we lost that somewhere along the way—or at least she did. Maybe me too. When I first started trying to get her number, I couldn't wait to go to school to see her there. It was like a high. But after a while, it faded."

"It can't sustain like that forever," I tell him to ease the sting.

"Maybe not, but I still would choose to be with her over being with anyone else. If I go a day without seeing her, something doesn't feel right." He's honest and vulnerable.

"I used to feel that way about Finn. I'd want to hang out over at Ezra's in case he was home or I'd get a chance to see him. I feel guilty about that." I decide to be honest and vulnerable too.

"It's an addicting feeling. One that makes thinking of anything else seem unimportant. It's a rush of hormones and euphoria," he tells me.

"Do you think old couples still feel that? The relationships that have survived decades?" I ask.

"I think it's something different. I think it's security and respect at that point. Being grateful that the two of you made a good team and didn't let the world or its people break you. It's pride in keeping your promises, maintaining your vows no matter what challenges were put in front of you."

"I like the sound of that," I say wistfully.

"Me too," he acknowledges and then closes his eyes and tips his head back as if he's exhausted just thinking about what he's lost and what could have been. I let him sleep. It's going to be a long week for Asher.

I don't nudge him until we reach the hotel. 

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