the diary // jensoo

memories i'd rather forget than remember (16)

jennie

jisoo.

kim jisoo.

the girl that used to be the victim of my bullying and degradation.

kim jisoo.

jisoo.

the same girl that broke my heart into million of pieces. the girl that somehow melted the ice around my heart, the girl that i first saw when cupid pierced my chest with his unforgiving arrow.

jisoo.

who made me feel not so helpless. in fact, she made me feel powerful -- as if i have the whole world on top of my palm whenever i'm with her.

jisoo.

who plastered my static face with smiles and encased me in overflowing happiness. slowly, i became a slave for her love. a prisoner of unrequited love and my own selfless self.

then i realized that i'm not just in love with her anymore.

i'm crazy in love. not only with her, but with every single piece of her mind, body and soul. i would gladly take her biggest insecurity and make it my own -- if that means that i can see her happy every second of my life.

because there's not a lot that i ask for in my current state; just seeing her happy is enough. at the moment.

but even with all my feelings clear and for certain, i'm still mustering all my courage and strength to tell her. whenever i see her with kenzo; i feel the painful sting, a little bit of my mustered courage going down into the drain. a week had passed and the cuts and bruises on my knuckles are almost fully healed. but my heart -- barely.

stiches on top of stiches, my heart will heal, but only to be wounded again. kenzo is glued to jisoo. i can't see her without him.

"rosie, i don't think i can do this anymore," i said and rested my chin on top of my palm, an exhausted sigh escaping my lips.

"you can't do what anymore?" rosé looked at me and raised a questioning brow.

she probably knows what i'm referring to, but is choosing to act oblivious because she doesn't want to hear what i want to say.

"confessing and shit," i mumbled. "how? how the fuck? he's with her everywhere! i can't time her perfectly."

"go to her house then," rosé suggested with a casual shrug.

my eyes opened comically. it was a pretty nice idea, but hell no. she probably won't even let me in like before if i unexpectedly show up at her door step. things are different now, i guess.

"you and your wild ideas," i scoffed and folded my arms due to frustration because of lack of ideas to approach jisoo.

"wild?" she looked at me weirdly. "dude, that's like the most not wildest idea ever. are you kidding me? it's not like it's your first time going to her house without any invitation."

"that was before, chipmunk. things are very different now."

"i don't care and you shouldn't too," she said. "if you won't tell her, i'll tell her myself."

"no, you won't," i replied and smirked at her.

she raised a challenging brow. "are you challenging me?"

"are you serious?"

"as serious as i can be."

i quickly shook my head. "never mind," i uttered. "i'll tell her."