To have and to loathe

• 𝐂hapter 3

    For the rest of the week, I threw myself into my unread novels and my job at Joe's. Lesley was busy too; trying to work her shifts while helping me locate my baby daddy's whereabouts.

    Apparently, it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be, and turns out, he was a hard man to find. I admit it did get me riled up. I mean, choosing to keep this child was a tough decision. What if Lesley never found him and I had to raise my child alone without child support or a father figure?

    Needless to say, by Wednesday, I felt much better.

    I'd visited the hospital for an official report. Thankfully, a local clinic took me in, though they made me wait a day.

    Later that evening, I called my mom to check on her, I felt guilty hiding the fact of my pregnancy from her but I didn't think she was ready to know. Most especially when she still played matchmaker and tried setting up blind dates with every single hot-looking bachelor in her block.

   She proceeded to tell me about her job and her comfortable has been. She worked as a nurse in one of the local suburban retirement homes.

       "How are things with you, Hope?"

    For a moment, I hesitated. "I'm fine. The weather is great here and business is going well." And I'm pregnant for a stranger and throwing up all damn morning.

       "Have you met someone yet?"

    The excitement in her voice was palpable.

       "No, Mom," I was at a stage in my life where the least of my worries was finding a man. They were all the same. All they did was put in so much effort to woo you, going above and beyond just to court you, but the moment they start getting used to you, they start getting bored, then they break your heart, throw it into the gutters, and move on to the next unfortunate victim.

     Take my recent disaster, Milton for example. I met him on tinder two years ago. He was a Spanish-American who spoke two languages and worked at NYU as a professor in English.

    Charming right?

     When I first saw his profile, I thought he was just another Tinder swindler, or a really hot guy with a dick pic on standby, but turns out, he was different. He was charming, sweet, and knew the difference between 'I am' and 'am' which you'd be surprised by.

     When he'd asked me out, I agreed without a second thought. He seemed to be everything I wanted in a man. We went on multiple dates and did cute things together, had vanilla sex. Gosh, I believed he was the one, I believed without the barest hint of doubt that he was my perfect match, my right swipe— the man I'd be spending the rest of my life with and I hadn't expected him to cheat, but he did; with Thelma, his boss who, dare I say, was twice my age and had the sex appeal of a blobfish.

     You see, that right there was the deal breaker for me, and It was a horrible, confusing, heartbreaking truth but, after all my consecutive relationships turned out to be colossal failures, absolutely worthless, and a total waste of precious time, I finally decided that I was never going to find myself true love or a decent man to love. So I took a hiatus from dating and spent my money on vibrators instead.

         "Honey." Mum's voice snapped me out of my tailspin. "You really need to get out more. You worry me. You're almost 27, you need to settle."

       "Mom, I'm fine okay. You don't have to worry."

       Friday morning, I was pacing around the locker room in Joe's diner while waiting for Lesley to show up.

     I had barely gotten any sleep the night before because the moment she told me she'd found him, everything fell out of place.

     "Hey knocked-up best friend," She teased the moment she walked through the doors but I was in no mood for teases.
    
        "What did you find."

       "Sheesh, why are you in a rush?"

        "Lesley please." I beckoned. "I'm really not in the mood for jokes."

        "Fine, fine." She sighed. "Well as you know, I found him, and turns out he's a big shot in Haight-Ashbury. Though I couldn't pull up much, I got his business card. You should call and set up a meeting."

    My heart clenched and I felt a push in my gut.

    "Here." She reached into her bag and handed me the card. I accepted it with shaky hands and stared down at the digits.

     It had been over two months now and he probably forgot I existed. I bit my lip. He didn't even peg as the type of guy who would want to be tied down by a child with a fling and judging by our encounter, I could tell he was a raging Playboy.

      "Call him," Lesley urged, countering my thoughts.

    "I'm scared Les, what if he doesn't want the baby, I mean, I want my child to have a family but what if he doesn't want any part in this?"

       "Then it's his loss." She clucked her tongue. "Just call him, okay, that's probably the right thing to do. If he doesn't want anything to do with it, we can make him pay for child support."

    Gosh, her words sounded so convincing but I didn't want to have to face him. I wasn't sure I could.

    As if reading my thoughts, she patted my shoulder. "I know everyone likes the easy way out of life, but this isn't something you can avoid. Call him. Say you need to talk and go somewhere private to do it."

    I sucked in a huge breath and then turned to my cellphone. She was right. Yep, she was totally right. It didn't matter if he wanted to be part of my baby's life or not. I was just going to tell him and get it over with.

    Yes, I was going to tell him.

    I had to. No matter the outcome.

   For a moment, my fingers hovered over the green call button, my heart skipping beats.

    Do this Hope.

    I took a deep breath, and pressed "call."