when we collide ✰ l.h.

Chapter 44

I expected to wake up next to Luke, which I did. I expected to roll over in his arms and see that he was sleeping soundly, which I did. What I didn't expect was the second that I noticed his eyelashes flutter a few times and the few light strands of hair lying on his forehead, I remembered why I hadn't fallen asleep with him.

I wasn't even sure why he thought it was a good idea to crawl back into bed with me, but I still sat up slowly, trying not to wake him up. The last thing I wanted was to talk to Luke even though I should try and get an explanation out of him or even an apology that couldn't exactly fix what he did. There weren't any time machines to help us out here.

I got up and headed to the bathroom, trying to get ready for the day. I figured it would be a lot easier for him to come and talk to me about it rather than have to bring it up because that starts a whole new fight of 'why don't you trust me' which goes right back to the whole cheating thing and it's a big mess.

I wanted things to turn out differently between me and Luke than me and Ellis. See, I actually didn't want to hate Luke's guts, which I should be. I couldn't hate him no matter how much I wanted to. He got me to fall in love with him and I can't see a way out.

By the time I was finished an hour had passed. I tried doing things slower than usual just so I could avoid Luke for that much longer. I took in a deep breath before entering the room just to prepare myself in case I actually had to face him. But when I walked in, he was still asleep and hadn't moved an inch.

I was confused as to why he was still sleeping. I know he got in later than me, but I know he came back with Calum and his girlfriend and both of them were up and going now. I ignored it and sat down on the corner of the bed. I was in bright and beautiful California without any urge to actually go out and lay in the sun or just explore.

I don't know how long I had been sitting there, but the boy underneath the covers rustling around had made me jump. I glanced over my shoulder to him to see his eyes slowly opening and I turned back around. As much as I wanted to get up and leave and just be in another room, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Good morning." He croaked. I turned back around and swallowed down the growing lump in my throat. I gave him a small smile as he stretched his arms over his head then let them fall back onto the bed.

"Morning," I said, the word coming out as more of a whisper.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked.

It was then I decided to ignore it. Ignore what Luke had done and just move on. If he had enough in him to come crawling back into bed with me last night then I sure as hell knew he had some guilt there. I still meant something to him, but I was apparently holding on by a thin thread.

"Fine." I replied, forcing a smile. "You?" I questioned back.

"Amazing." He lowly laughed, kicking the blankets off himself. I watched him as he got out of bed and slowly made his way in front of me. "I'm taking a shower, I'll be right back." He told me, leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to the top of my head.

I tensed up as he did so and when he pulled back from me the look on his face made it obvious that he knew I did too. He shook his head quickly before leaving and shut the door behind him. I let out a long breath and fell back onto the bed, knowing that this was about to get a little more complicated.

-

Not punching Luke in the face was becoming more difficult.

Every time he reached for my hand or leaned in to kiss me I just had to pull back from him. He ignored it the first few times, then he started to question it. I made up the excuse that I wasn't feeling good which also went along with the story last night that I told Calum that my head had hurt and that's why I wanted to leave early. I would simply tell him I wouldn't want him to get sick.

This only made Luke want to cater to me more often than he usually did instead of just leaving me alone. It wasn't until we were sitting in a small restaurant for dinner when things truly started getting questionable.

All four of us were at one of the only quiet restaurants in the city. It wasn't filled with people and had genuinely good food so there wasn't anywhere to go wrong.

I was sitting next to Luke, trying to keep some space between us. We were talking about school which was giving me a real headache now. I buried my face into my hands as they talked about finals and such and summer vacation and Luke seemed to have noticed my absence in the conversation.

He moved his hand to my lower back as lightly as he could, like he was trying to make an effort to make me feel better. I leaned the slightest bit away from him just so he could get the hint that I didn't want him touching me. It almost felt as if his hands were dirtied since they had been on another girl in the way they should've been on me.

He snapped his head towards me yet his face was blank. I looked up at him for a seconds before he started pushing me out of the booth.

"We'll be right back." Luke muttered to the couple across from us.

I had no choice to sit there and ignore him since his force on me was too strong. He walked ahead of me and I trailed behind hi as he led us to the small hallway where the bathrooms were at.

"What is up with you?" He asked, his eyes scanning me from head to toe.

"I told you, I don't feel good and-"

"Cut the bullshit, Autumn." He sternly said, catching me off guard. "You wouldn't give two shits if I touched you if you weren't feeling well." His voice stayed low and deep while his irritation increased.

I didn't know what to say back, he was right and he knew that. I didn't want to straight up tell him that I knew what had happened, but it seemed like my only choice. I didn't want to lie to him, but I didn't want to have this massive weight on my shoulders.

"You've barely been talking to me and every time I want to do something as simple as kissing you you just pull away." He sighed in what I guessed was frustration. "It hurts, Autumn. It really does. I just want to know why you're acting like this." He informed me.

"You should know." I mumbled under my breath. I glanced up to Luke and realized he hadn't heard what I said and it was that moment that I was thankful for so much commotion going on around us. I sighed, "I'm just really not feeling the best, alright?" I told him, looking around then back to him.

He paused for a moment, letting his tongue quickly slid through his lips before lowering his voice again. "Did you start your...?" He trailed off. I stared blankly at him, wanting nothing more than to just knock him upside the head.

"Yes." I lied, seeing that it was the best way to get him to stop talking about me practically ignoring him.

"You could've just told me that and that would've made things a lot easier." He groaned, rubbing his hands over his face.

"I'm sorry for not informing you about my hormone cycle," I said, realizing how rude that actually had sounded and wasn't helping the situation. "Look, I'm sorry. I really am." I sighed again. "Let's just pretend I haven't been acting like I have a stick up my ass all day, okay?" I raised an eyebrow at him and he immediately wrapped his arms around me.

"Okay," He muttered as I loosely hugged him back. "I'm a big jerk, it's okay to punch me or something."

I hated how right now he was apologizing for all of the wrong reasons. This conversation shouldn't even be happening and it was my fault. If I sucked it up and did the right thing and confronted him instead of trying to keep myself from feeling more hurt, then maybe it wouldn't be such a burden every single time I looked at him. And there was nothing worse to me then looking into the eyes of a lover and friend and feeling that physical ache in my chest that just wouldn't ever go away.

-

A/N:

that was short i'm really sorry but here's an update

lautumn is falling apart (kinda)

there's also going to be exactly 50 chapters so only 6 more *cries*

also thanks if you watched my younow i had fun

i love u guys and i hope this update didn't stomp on ur heart too much