Can We Just Be Us? | KiriBaku

What was once 'us'- 98

Kirishima pov
"Hey, Kat-suki, mind if we, have a chat?" I had no idea what I was doing. I saw Katsuki leave for the bathroom, and almost instinctively I followed. I didn't want to talk to him, but another part of me did. The two opposing sides had been fighting throughout the whole party, but it seemed finally, one had won; I was going to speak to him, after two years of silence. He stood frozen in place, looking blankly at me. Finding it difficult to look into his eyes, I constantly looked around at the hallway. Being that close allowed me to finally feel his presence again; his familiarity. Though this time, I couldn't recognise it, it wasn't the same feeling from the old Katsuki, it was weaker, colder. It was clear he had no intention of speaking to me at the party, like he said all that time ago, he never wanted to speak again. Just thinking back to that memory left me feeling numb. Had I been stupid, thinking that talking would work? What if we just argued? Though it was too late, I had asked him and he was going to respond.
"Umm- err- okay?"

We stayed standing up as we entered the spare bedroom in Izuku's house. In the room, I realised; Katsuki would be expecting me to speak, and I had no idea on what to say. There was so many different options, so many questions to ask, but I didn't know which ones could cause chaos, so I started off simple. "So, it's been a while."
"Yeah." He nodded, looking anywhere but me. I missed his voice so much, but not that voice. I wanted to hear Kat, my Kat.
"How you been?" I asked, trying to add some flavour to my anxious words. Katsuki shoved his hands in his pockets.
"Fine, yeah," I wanted to be sick, his bluntness said it all. I was worried that'd be all we said, but thankfully; "what about you?"
"Oh, I'm- good, yeah." I needed a way to carry on the conversation, I wanted to. I couldn't deny how amazing it felt to be with him again, even if it was awkward and uncomfortable. So of course, I panicked. "So you're dating people? How's that going?" He seemed rather taken back, and- almost offended.
"Clearly not as well as it has been for you." Kat mumbled.
"Excuse me? What does that mean?"
"You and that Cupid guy." He spat the name 'Cupid'. It was clear he didn't like him, and in that moment, I didn't like Sora either. But still, I had to think; what would I tell him, if he was seeing people, I didn't want to look lonely, but I knew lying would be stupid.
"We're not dating, if that's what you think." I said bluntly, arms crossed. "We're just friends. In fact, I'm not really speaking to him at the moment." Katsuki suddenly looked up at me, obviously surprised. It seemed he never even bothered to check; another sign he forgot about me. Yet that tiny glimpse of hope in eyes said otherwise.
"Oh, I didn't know," he paused, "sorry."
"No worries, and hey, I should probably get myself on those dating sites you were talking about." I laughed sheepishly, already regretting my words. He smiled awkwardly.
"So, how's your mum?"
"Oh she's doing alright actually, everything seems to be going well." He nodded slowly. I wanted to ask something, it'd eat away at me if I didn't, though I didn't know where the question could lead. "Katsuki, do you hate me?" His breathing instantly changed at my question, it became quicker and more out-of-time.
"Why would you think that?" I almost cringed at the pain in his voice, it was so weak and brittle.
"Well- Well after the breakup you never spoke to me, you didn't even respond to any of my messages-"
"You left me Re- Eijirou, so don't play the victim." He folded his arms, looking at the wall, away from me. I sighed, realising where he stood in the matter.
"I'm- I'm not playing the victim, no. It's just we could've at least talked about it-"
"Maybe we could've talked about it if you told me earlier, and not the fucking night before!" It seemed like his temper was still in check. Though now it was different, more painful, miserable.
"Do you know how difficult it was to tell you!" I felt my voice rising; I just hoped no one else could hear us.
"Of course I do! But it was a million times harder to be told that, the life I had been planning and dreaming of and already buying fucking who-knows-what for the apartment we never got, wouldn't happen because you left me!" I froze, finding it difficult to breath. I watched him as he fully faced me, seeing tears running down his face. "You could've let me come with you, move to Haneki, but you pushed me aside."
"It wasn't like that-" I pleaded until cut off short.
"Then what was it like?" The anger in his words balanced with the sadness, creating the most haunting, hallow voice I had ever heard.
"Your dream was here-"
"My dream was you!" He pointed in my tearful face. We both stared at each other, the eye contact of two broken people.
"I'm sorry." I cried, shaking my head. Did I make a mistake all those years ago? Was I really in the wrong for letting him go? He just wiped his cheeks with his sleeve, replacing his face with one of no emotion.
"Well, it doesn't matter now, it was two years ago. You've moved on, and- I guess I have as well." He started walking towards the door; yet he had one thing left to say. "I just wish you would've fought harder for us, Red." Then he exited. He left me standing there, feeling completely empty, listening to the echoes of a name that only belonged to us; he called me Red.