My Cheerleader Has A Gun (gxg)

Chapter 36 "Guilt"

Olivia

I watched in remorse as Elle's casket was lowered to the ground. For days of often crying, I felt like I was already numb, as I couldn't get over the guilt that was eating me alive. I started to have nightmares and in them, I always saw the horrified look she gave me when she realized what I did. It was haunting me, the reason why I hardly sleep, feeling like I might go insane. 

Elle may be the enemy but she didn't deserve to die. I took away the chance of her to possibly change and live a normal life, and if the situation was different, I would have done something without killing her, but I knew that no matter what I did, she wouldn't stop until she could kill Scarlett. 

And that was something I wouldn't let to happen. 

Elle didn't give me much of a choice at that time. I had to kill her to save Scarlett and if I had to do that over again, I would. I knew I would be feeling guilty for the rest of my life, but it was something I could live for than living the life without Scarlett in it. I would do anything for her, even if it meant I had to kill someone in order to protect her. 

"You okay?" Scarlett asked as she pulled me closer. 

I laid my head on her shoulder, "I will be," I mumbled as a tear rolled down my cheek. I thought I had cried it all but I guessed I was wrong. 

She sighed, "Come on, it's not good to strain yourself too much," she said and I nodded weakly before looking back to the ground. 

"I'll see you one day Elle... Goodbye," I mumbled before letting Scarlett guide me to the car where my parents were waiting patiently.  As decided Elle's death and funeral had been kept secret as we couldn't risk exposing anything to the public that would link to the Agency, but that aside, I felt like it was what Red would have wanted for her sister, even if she confused me as to why left her sister's body to us. I saw how she looked so devastated at that time, I couldn't tell what she was thinking, but a part of me was a little glad she did it, as I owe it to Elle, to at least give her a proper funeral.  

As we got inside the SUV, I snuggled closer to Scarlett, instantly feeling her warmth which somehow eased me, while my parents decided to sit in the  middle. The car was wrapped in silence and I couldn't be more grateful for it as I was too tired to talk or even start a conversation.

"You're looking pale, are you sure you're okay?" Scarlett mumbly asked as she kissed my forehead.

I nodded weakly, "Just a little tired."

"Okay." Thankful she didn't persist, I rested my head on her chest, listening to the soft beating of her heart. I was glad she stayed by my side, so as my parents, helping me get through with this. They were the ones who were keeping me sane all this time and I couldn't be more grateful to them.

As the silence still lingered, my eyelids started to grow heavy, I could barely open my eyes. The heaviness in my heart had started to ebb away as I centered my attention to Scarlett instead. This was what I liked, me wrapped in her arms, as it somewhat helped me bring a peace of mind. It was one of her gestures that really calmed me down. And before I surrendered to unconsciousness, I heard her mumbled 'I love you' before kissing my forehead, making me think back on to why I fell hard for this girl.

After a two-hour drive, we finally reached Scarlett's white house where we were staying since I got out of the hospital five days ago. As we got inside the house, I asked Scarlett to guide me upstairs so I could rest and she nodded, aiding me until we reached her room and helped me sat down the bed.

"Can I get you anything?" she asked as she bent down in front of me, a look of concern was written in her expression.

"I'm fine babe, I just need to sleep for a while."