June

39. Round & Round

빙글 빙글

The laundry room looked different that day.

Maybe it's because it had already been dark outside, the cold weather causing the sun to hide its rays away sooner than expected. 

Or maybe it was just because the room was empty, clouded with dimmed lights with nobody sitting inside.

Except for June.

She was constantly changing songs playing through the small earbuds as her fingers flipped the pages of a fashion magazine. Whenever she waited for her clothes to be washed, she'd scrutinize the pages filled with pretty faces, from male to female, each of them beautiful on their own.

Unlike June, Taehyung couldn't stay calm for as long as the clock counted five minutes. He'd either be walking in circles or humming a random song he heard a long time ago. Even if seated down, he'd have his legs kicking the air playfully, but this time, he was actually being silent and still, nothing but his heart beating joyfully.

He did say something after a while, his eyes taking in the cover of the same magazine June had wrapped around her fingers but she couldn't hear him - her music was too loud.

And then, seeing that Taehyung won't be giving up any time soon, she set an earbud free out of her ear.

''You're not even listening to me, are you?'' He asked.

''Sorry?''

''Ack, all you do is stare at these paper people and stick thin models with no facial expression whatsoever.'' He then pointed his finger at the face imprinted on the magazine page, a face very similar to his own. ''They all look the same, just like that man from the drama you've been watching yesterday.''

''And what's wrong with that?''

''Nothing, it's just that they all look like me. It freaks me out.''

''Well at least you have a face now, Tae. You didn't before, remember? Mama was terrified back in the days when I told her that you had no legs, arms or a body of some sorts. And she blamed Studio Ghibli for it all.''

Truthfully, the conversations about Taehyung have always been swept underneath the rug in June's family. Not on purpose, but out of convenience. It was easier to think of it as a simple phase, one that would disappear like it usually does with the children of certain age.

And June laughed a little, but deep down somewhere, it stung. ''You should be grateful that you don't look like aunt Hanja.''

''Aunt Hanja?'' There was a slight change of pitch in his usual deep voice. ''Are we talking about the same aunt Hanja that had 5 kids, always smelled like fish because she'd butcher them every single day for a living, and later on ended up looking like her deceased third husband?''

And June nodded her head. ''Mhm. The one and only.''

That caused Taehyung to shudder, shaking the very unpleasant memory off of his skin. ''I still remember how she'd always x out the people from her high school days in her yearbook and write deceased on those that have passed away. She wanted to win against death and live the longest. Pretty much everyone was convinced that it wasn't a yearbook, but a hitlist.''

She laughed, but only for a single second. Still a little frustrated that Taehyung interrupted the beat of her favorite song, she then made an attempt to put the earbud back in, rolling her eyes along.

''A-a'', said Taehyung, taking the earbud in his own hand. ''Not today.''

''What is it now, Tae?'' She asked, whining.

''I want to talk.''

''About what exactly?''

Taehyung shrugged sincerely, the boy didn't think this through. All he wanted was attention, and right now, all he was getting were a pair of tired eyes staring back at him. 

''I don't know. About the weather, about the dramas you like so much, anything really.'' Twirling June's earbud around his fingers, he let out a deep sigh, back hitting with the chair behind.

''And what if I don't want to talk?''

''You're being silly.'' Taehyung snickered. ''You love talking. Besides, I'm the only friend you actually have left, which sadly means that you don't have a choice.''

''Would definitely disagree with that one.'' She turned a few more pages, the faint music still playing in the background.

''Really?'' Taehyung scoffed. ''You can't be thinking about your friends back in high school?'' He waited for a response just for a mere second because he knew that he won't be getting one. ''You do know these people have their own lives now, none of them has the time to think about you out of everything.''

As if she didn't hear him, June flipped another page of the magazine, head tilting to the left.

''Or were you thinking about Jimin?''

And she froze in place. The washing machines then made a loud noise, all kinds of clothing dancing vigorously inside each of the tubs.

''You do realize I'm more real to you than he'll ever be, right?''

''Can we not talk about Jimin?''

''Why? Because he wasn't being honest with you? Because he doesn't want to share his deepest secrets and tell you what's hurting him? You're afraid you're not as important to him as he is to you, aren't you?'' 

Taehyung paused, waiting for the right answer, but once his mind picked up on it, he shook his head, lips pressed in a firm line. There was no right answer. ''It's because of me, isn't it? You're scared that once your little secret is out, he'll see the real you and think that you've snapped, lost your mind and gone insane?''

A minute of silence wasn't enough for June to answer his questions.

So Taehyung answered them for her. ''You're not scared of him thinking you're crazy. You're scared of accepting the fact that you've already gone insane.''

June took the earbud out of his pale hand, put it back into her ear and let the music blast loudly to stop him from speaking.

Only then, she didn't care if anyone saw her talking to herself. 

Nor did she pay attention to Jimin, who walked in and walked right back out again.