You Always Build It Better the Second Time Around

Chapter 8 - Yearning (To Feel Complete Again)

Mikaela and I sit on opposite sides of the carriage; Surumi across from Mikaela. We've been traveling through the Divine Realm for half an hour. We have another few minutes until we reach our destination. Shito Surumi already filled us (by us I mean Mikaela with a scowl in my direction) in on what he's 'hiring' us for. Apparently, a goddess has gone missing and has not turned up in the Divine Realm nor on Earth. Scouts were sent to the areas in Hell the gods of the upper world are allowed in, but they, too found nothing, some even disappearing before returning.

"What are the chances of killing a higher god?" Mikaela asks. I can feel his gaze on me, but I don't meet it. Instead, I stare out the window, though little I can see. "Without your inflated ego's opinion, too, please."

Surumi snorts, finding his words to be humorous despite Mikaela's obvious lack of trying to be funny in the slightest. His tone may seem as if he doesn't care, but he's also a god, so it's no surprise to even an outsider like myself that he has some amount of care for what's going on, or perhaps for Goddess Tepes as old friends or something.

"One in a million." Surumi smiles quite pridefully.

"I said without the ego," Mikaela repeats.

"It's almost impossible to kill a higher god like Goddess Tepes even by herself," I answer before Surumi opens his mouth again, no doubt pissing him off more than he already is with my mere presence. The feeling is mutual, you asshole. I continue to stare out the window, but going on with my explanation, I add, "Not to mention her many familiars that will die before letting her get even a paper cut. I had the chance to meet her and her prized familiars, Ferid Bathory, Crowley Eusford, and Koutorou Takana. You can bet on your holy lives she's safe as long as she has her familiars by her side... She does have them, right?"

"As far as we can tell," Surumi roughly replies. I don't dare bother to see his furious gaze upon me as always. One thing I never missed from seeing his pathetic self. For a higher god, he's weaker than I expected against an ambush of mid-level yōkai. To be fair, he did put up a pretty good fight after comprehending the situation, but this is an entirely different story for another time.

"Then that's that. We have nothing further to discuss about Tepes if she's most likely safe, even for the time being." Mikaela dismisses the conversation, rising to his feet and moving to sit beside me. "Now onto our next conversation, Yu..."

"Ask Surumi what you want to hear about me. I refuse to share my past, so you'll have to hear it from someone else," I lowly growl.

"Hey!" Surumi barks. "Show more respect to-"

"You're not in this, Surumi, so stay out of it!" Mikaela unexpectedly demands. He turns back to me, then. "I don't give a damn about your past if you don't want to share it with me, but I want to know what Surumi meant back there."

"What are you talking about...?" I mutter. It's clear to hear in my lowered voice and my tone that I'm not really asking that because I don't know what he's asking about. He's wondering what Surumi meant when he mentioned me being stronger than what I've lead him on to believe. It's true, but at the same time it's not. It's been a while since I've used my full power, because even I would be destroyed in the end. "Back then, I strived to get stronger. Every day, I would push myself to the brink. I went a little further each time. But, when I met Koba, it was clear he did the same, and it took him over in the end. I stood by him, but that didn't mean that I was proud of the all the wrongs he did- more so than myself. Nevertheless, I had no one, and I was afraid of being alone. Seeing what power made him become, I sealed off a great amount of mine. No doubt I could destroy cities back then.

"It's been awhile since I've used my full power, because I'm scared of what could and will happen. I don't want what became of Koba and so many others to become of me, too." I numbly laugh, "I'm that black fox in generation old scriptures and stories that have become lost and a prisoner of time. Many gods wanted their hands on me since the beginning of my reign when my presence was first known, but until about a year and a half ago, I never allowed them near me enough to even speak with me. I was afraid of what I would be demanded to do because of the power I really hold and some of the corrupted gods out their that had a decent chance to get their hands on me. I didn't want to destroy what beauty Koba already hadn't- and I take responsibility for some of the damage done, too, but please believe me when I say it was never my intention for it to get so far out of hand, even for myself.