just a dream (camren)

thirty six

posting this tonight because i'm getting v v drunk tomorrow and would forget so here you go losers

also if that pic at the top and the whole nylon photo shoot didn't prove to you that lauren is a Big Bottom™️ then you're #delusional

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May 13th, 2017

When there's a knock on her bedroom door, Camila frowns over at it, not expecting anyone to come over today. And, you know, nobody ever knocks. Sofi, Sinu and Dinah all walk in like they own the place, and her dad pretty much never comes up to her room. "Um... come in?"

Her bedroom door pushes open, and Lauren walks in, sending her a shy smile. "Hey. I hope you don't mind, but your mom kind of ambushed me and asked me to stay for dinner tonight."

"Oh," Camila frowns as Lauren closes her bedroom door and sits down next to her. Admittedly, even after giving Lauren a chance, she'd felt awkward around her, so she'd been avoiding her. "Well, um, that's fine. How are you?"

"I'd prefer it if you didn't avoid me," Lauren admits, and Camila shifts uncomfortably. "I know you don't trust me, and part of me... part of me also doesn't trust me."

Camila raises her eyebrows. "What?"

"I don't know. It's like... it's like I don't trust myself. There's a part of me that... that's still scared, but not scared of my feelings for you. It's like... I'm scared of losing you. Of hurting you," Lauren comments, and Camila beams, because she knows that's her Lauren. "But I'm going to prove that part wrong. And I'm going to prove you wrong, because I'm not going to hurt you. I'm going to do things right. But to do that, I need you to stop avoiding me."

If she's being honest, Lauren thinks that the other part of her, the girl she'd technically been, the one who'd left some kind of lasting mark on her, is almost like a representation of the person she always wanted to be. The brave one, the one who owns her sexuality, the one who isn't afraid of holding a girl's hand in the street.

It's comforting, in a way, to know she has that in her. To know that maybe she always had had it in her.

Camila sighs. "I wasn't... avoiding you. I just didn't reach out."

"Let me take you out," Lauren suggests, ignoring her words for the most part. "Obviously not tonight, because Sinu roped me into dinner, but... soon. For a proper date."

Camila raises her eyebrows, admittedly a little surprised by the request. "You want to take me on a date?"

"I thought that was obvious," Lauren comments, shrugging. "I mean... you're still my girlfriend, right? We never... we never broke up."

"Well, I mean..." Camila bites down on her bottom lip and shrugs. "I didn't know if you really wanted... this to be that. Since you don't have feelings for me. Only a part of you does."

"It's always been me, Camz," Lauren frowns at her, and when Camila feels a hand on top of hers, she jumps a little in shock. "I've always... I might've hated myself, Camz, but I never hated you. Every part of me has feelings for you."

When Camila's mind jumps to the dirtiest meaning possible, she snorts a little, trying to hold back her laugh. "Thanks?"

Lauren frowns, but catches on to what she's laughing at and shakes her head. "Oh, god, no, I didn't mean it like that."

Camila laughs even harder and shakes her head. "Okay, Lauren."

"I mean," after a few moments of hesitation, Lauren smirks a little, "it's still not a lie."