Sykeskarth: a Guide For Dummies

This Is Going To Be Good*

A/N: Longest one shot so far, and smut! Not written by me, credit goes to asphyxiatide on Live Journal :) by far one of my fave one shots that hasn't been written by me or a friend.

Oh yes, this is going to be fucking good.

Or at least, that's what Alex Gaskarth usually thinks whenever he's cooking up a scheme like this one. Never mind the fact that he is actually literally cooking up his scheme.

It's Valentine's Day, okay? And boyfriends should do something nice on Valentine's Day. It's just that Alex's nice is a different kind of nice.

Oliver would be the first one leaning over Alex's shoulder, calling him a pansy for cooking anything other than ramen or a sandwich. That's why Alex is cooking when Oliver is at work, because it's a Friday. Oliver gets off at five, and the clock is just ticking four twenty-two when Alex pulls the seaweed out from the top shelf of the cabinet above the fridge, because Oliver can't reach that high.

Alex is making sushi. Normally he would laugh off the sheer idea of even attempting something involving raw fish and seaweed and some weird stuff called fish loaf. Alex doesn't even know if fish loaf actually has fish in it. But it looked pretty in the supermarket, all pink and stuff, and it kind of reminded Alex of Oliver's – uh, well, you could guess.

Alex's first roll is not a complete failure. It resembles the stuff he sees on the little boats in Japan town. Spicy tuna. He makes a mental note not to leave those too close to his business, because that might hurt if Oliver decides to get ahead of himself before Alex is even off the table.

Alex's scheme is to make a ridiculous amount of sushi, strip naked, lie on the kitchen table, place the sushi at various points on his body, and wait for Oliver to arrive home to find his boyfriend naked on their kitchen table littered with delicious treats.

Yes, it will be fucking good. And the sex will be fucking amazing.

But never mind that now, because Alex is making sushi, and he is very self-satisfied. Oliver will be proud. Alex thinks.

As the clock turns five, Alex has stripped and is dotting his body with various sushi rolls. Once he finally sighs and reclines back onto the table to stare at the ceiling, the telephone rings, taunting him from where it sits on a counter clear across the room.

"Fucking shit," Alex growls, and for a second he contemplates answering it. But the sushi. And Oliver. He lets it go to voicemail.

"Hey babe," Oliver coos, "I was just calling to let you know I'm gonna be a little late from work 'cause somebody called off and we've been busy all day and I gotta cover him for an hour, so might not be back until six or so. I hope you don't mind, baby. Love you. Kiss kiss."

Uh, what the fuck?

Alex can't even remember how to swallow. His mouth is hanging open and he feels like a complete idiot. He is naked and covered in sushi with an erection the size of the Eiffel tower.

"Fuck my life," is all Alex mumbles before he tries to fall asleep.

***

When Oliver assaults the deadbolt to get into the flat and opens the door, he is almost surprised by what he sees.

"Alexander William Gaskarth, what the fuck are you trying to pull now?"

Alex's eyes shoot open and his jaw drops.

"Happy Valentine's Day," Alex blurts, and he becomes painfully aware of how incredibly hard his dick is, and Oliver notices too.

"Uhm, babe, why are you covered in sushi?"