Forever Ruined

Chapter Twenty-eight

"Because I am a woman."

The words hung between them like a pendulum ax swinging back and forth, neither of them certain, which it would strike down first.

Redgrave looked at the body of Mr. Cree and back to Claremont and suddenly burst into a fit of laughter. Clara's eyes widened with surprise. This was not the reaction she had expected.

When he looked like he was having difficulty getting control. Clara's surprise turned to concern. She had done it now. She broke the Commander. She'd driven him insane. She took a step back from him, which only made him laugh harder.

He closed his eyes and tried his best to take a few deep breaths and then opened them.

"You have nothing to worry about from me, Claremont. I just couldn't help but imagine what Angus would have to say about that tidbit of information you just spouted." Then a thought occurred to him.

"Or did he already know?"

Clara just shook her head no. Still unnerved by the Commander's reaction.

"Words... please, Claremont. No more secrets between us."

Clara tried to clear her suddenly parched throat. "N...no," she stammered, "no one knows," she lied. Sturgis knew but she didn't want him in trouble for keeping her secret hidden.

"Not even Lord Fitton?"

Clara shook her head again out of habit and then said, "No, Lord Fitton is not aware."

"A woman?" Redgrave shook his head in disbelief. "A woman on my ship, all this time."

Clara wasn't sure what she was to say to that, so she stayed silent.

Redgrave began to pace the room. So much suddenly made sense. The daintiness of her hands... He stopped pacing and stared at her. The effeminate features... Well, technically not effeminate just feminine. For a moment he wondered what she would look like dressed as a woman and he knew, without doubt, she'd be stunning.

Clara shied under the intensity of Redgrave's gaze.

"A woman..." This time the words came out a near whisper. He chuckled half-heartedly and ran his fingers through his hair. "I thought I was going mad. I thought I had been to sea for too long." He scoffed. "I considered retirement after this voyage."

Clara brows furrowed in confusion. "Retire? Why would you ever wish to..."

Redgrave scoffed again, Clara's words stopped as her eyes widened when Redgrave stormed up to her. He grabbed her shoulders and shook her. "Why? Why? You ask me why?"

Clara just nodded yes, once again falling into the habit and also now fearful to speak.

"Because I thought I was falling in love with you, you simple twit! But not you ...Benjamin Claremont and I... Phineas Redgrave, am DEFINITELY NOT..." He shook his head vehemently "... of that persuasion. I thought I was mad. I thought..."

He stared at her and she looked both stunned and a bit frightened all at the same time and then he realized ... "but no... low and behold you are a woman."

Before Clara could react he kissed her and it was no chaste kiss but one filled with passion, longing, desire. He pulled back from her and appeared dazed. "I...I don't even know your name." His hands dropped to his sides.

The moment he let her go. Clara hauled off and hit him. A crack across his cheek so hard that it resounded in the small cabin and her hand was now imprinted on his cheek.

"Mrs. Clara McAllister," Clara said, her breathing labored as she silently seethed, "And you, Sir... would do well not to forget it. What gives you the right to take such liberties with my person?!"