Contrite ✓

Chapter 17.

"I feel like the worst best friend ever. I have absolutely no clue what's going on in your life and now this?" Pam said, brows furrowed in regret.

"Hey, stop it. I know you're busy with school and I haven't really been good at keeping in touch either," I softly reassured her.

We were currently having dinner at my house after a full day of shopping and long talks. I had told her about everything that had happened the last weeks, including Harry. Pam wasn't impressed, as I figured, when I'd brought up the kissing incidents with said boy.

But I could still see she was curious about him. She never had the chance to meet him, since he moved away before Pam and I became friends.

"To be honest though, I've always been a bit reluctant towards Adam. Before this I just couldn't put my finger on what it was about him, but I think I get it now. He was just too nice, too perfect. No flaws. And people like that are usually the worst," Pam said, taking a sip from her glass of wine.

I nodded slowly. "And you were right."

"I don't mean to rub it in your face. Just telling you how I feel. And I must say you don't seem too crushed about what he did. Could this perhaps have something to do with another cute boy?" she said with a faint smirk.

I huffed. "Well, maybe. I don't know, he's an enigma. Like I told you, one second he's all over me, the next he tells me to stay away. It's frustrating."

It was weird how I couldn't bring myself to care any further about what Adam had done. I should be devastated, not sitting here smiling and talking about another guy. But I was glad I did.

"So, what are you going to do about it?" Pam said.

"What would you do?"

She was quiet for a while, considering my question. "I think I would first of all settle things with Adam—"

"No, I don't wanna talk to him," I cut in.

"Just listen. You wanted to know what I would have done. I would talk to Adam, break things off properly. Then I would take some time on my own, you know, find myself or whatever crap people usually do after break-ups."

"Sounds fair enough. What about Harry?" I still couldn't stop thinking about him. Our encounters replayed in my mind even more now when I didn't feel guilty because of it anymore. I secretly wished I would get the chance to kiss him again.

"Yeah, what about Harry?" Pam mumbled and reached for the bottle of wine between us. "I think we need some more wine before we start discussing that topic."

I was feeling a bit woozy from the three rather bold glasses we had downed in the last hour, but it felt nice. If there was someone I could get drunk with without feeling anxious, it was Pam.

"Do you like him?" she said, a don't-give-me-any-bullshit look on her face.

I squirmed a little, not ready to confess this to myself yet, any less to Pam. "Um. . . kind of? Not really. I don't know."

Pam sighed and twisted a strand of hair around her finger. "Ella, please be honest with me. I can see it, that you fancy him. It's nothing wrong with that."

"Well. . . I'm curious about him. And he's absurdly hot. But I need some more time to decide whether I like him or not. I don't even know him any longer. Of course I still care about him in some ways, but he's a different person now," I said before sourly adding, "And he's making it impossible for me to find out just what kind of person he has become."

"Well, then it's quite obvious what you should do," Pam stated.

"And that is?"

"Talk to him, get to know him. Firstly, demand he give you a reason as to why he wants you to stay away from him. You can't just tell someone that and then not clarify why. After what you've told me, he seems to care about you too. And because of that I find it very odd that he puts distance between the two of you."