The Acrimony Anomaly [Naruto Fanfic]

Hello Akatsuki~!

     A year later, Tsubaki had found that Obito had still had yet to meet her... Which was quite disappointing. What greater amusement would it be to see the man's face once he saw that Madara was a young girl. Still, having Danzo in the palm of her hand was really entertaining. 

      "Naruto, I'm going to be gone for a couple days."

     The boy spat out some milk he had been drinking at the table,"Wh-what?! Where are you going?!"

     "I'm going to see my older brother."

     He knew the full story of why Itachi-nii had to kill all the Uchihas. It made him quite distraught at the thought of it, but never even gave a clue about his knowledge to Sasuke. "But you don't know where he is!"

     Outside the window, there sat a black crow with beady, red eyes. "Well, he knows where I am. I'll just track him using the traces of chakra left here... Don't tell anyone. Just say that I left to get you some ramen from another country to prove that there isn't just Ichiraku Ramen."

    Instantly, the bonehead argued,"Ichiraku will always be the best, Tsubaki-chan, dattebayo!"

    A sigh came from her,"You're such an idiot."

    And the door slammed behind her, leaving the blond Uzumaki to whisper to nothing,"Have a safe trip..."

------*****------

     It honestly didn't take her long at all to reach the Akatsuki hideout. Tsubaki's sensei kept in her so much shape that running to Ame wasn't even a problem. "Hah, I still can't wait to see Obito's face."

    Rubbing her palms together, she entered the secret hideout, hiding her presence entirely. The onyx eyed girl followed the Weasel's chakra like a thin string that winded up at his location. He was alone behind one of the doors, probably his room.

    "He better not have to pull up if pants if he sees me... If you know what I mean," the Uchiha mumbled.

     She slowly opened the door, peeking her head in, and was met instantly with her brother. "Hi, Nii-sa-!"

    And the jet-black haired 8 year old was tugged inside, the door abruptly closed. "What are you doing here?! You're supposed to be back in Konoha!"

    Crossing her arms, the academy student huffed,"You don't have to worry. Naruto, my roommate, is covering for me."

    "Roommate?!"

   Oh.... Shit. I forgot about the sister complex thing... Kami, I'd rather have Tobirama laugh at me than this.

    "What about Sasuke?" he questioned fiercely.

    "I'm not living with someone that could possibly end up being an incestual bastard with a sense of riving the clan!" she retorted,"I'm not into that pureblood and mudblood shit. Muggles are clearly okay."

     A knock was heard at the door and they froze. "Itachi, I thought I heard someone else in here."

     "There's no one-!"

    Tsubaki grinned wildly and yelled,"Of course there's no one since no one is perfect! That means I'm perfect!"

     Nii-san groaned at this and facepalmed,"Why do you have to do this?"

    She gave him a pat on the back for comfort,"Don't worry. I helped create this group after all."

    He choked on his spit,"WHAT!?"

    In that moment of shock, she waltzed out the room and passed a surprised Kisame. A wink was sent at him. "Hoshigaki-san, it's a pleasure meeting the person that my brother works with."

    The fishman also choked,"He's your brother?!"

    "Hai~." And she practically belly flopped on the hard floor. "Take me to your leader."

     He was honestly weirded out by this. "This is the most words I've heard out of an Uchiha's mouth without 'hn' in it."

     "Yeah, well, I decided to stop my habit of it. It gets really annoying when it's your second life... You know what I mean?"

    He nodded slowly and walked in the direction of Pein, glancing back to the galloping girl every so often. She's insane.

     Tsubaki had burst into Nagato's office with a wide grin on her face while the swordsman deadpanned in the background. "And who might you be?"

    A disappointed frown appeared on her face. "I was expecting someone else in the role of leader, like Tobi for example... Unless you're.... Oh, I get it now."

    She was correct too. Pein was the acting leader of the Akatsuki, taking commands from the man in the shadows, Obito. 

     The rinnegan eyes narrowed at her,"Kisame. Leave."

    "Hai, Leader-sama."

    As soon as he left, a laugh that had bubbling in her throat finally came out. "Oh my God. Leader-sama? So original!"

     "Who are you and what do you want?"

    "In this life I am Tsubaki Uchiha, sister to Itachi Uchiha. I want to stop ya'll from awakening the Bijuu."

     "And why do you think we'd listen to you?"

     "Well, I would take back the Rinnegan eye I gave to you in my past life, thank you very much. Also, where the hell is your real body? I don't see it anywhere."

    The man's breath hitched in his throat,"It can't be... Madara Uchiha?"

    "The one and only," the female declared proudly,"Now then, I need to see Tobi and discuss some matters with him."

     A voice behind her said,"He is on his way now."

    She didn't have to turn to recognize the voice. "Zetsu."

    A few moments later, the bubbly voice could be heard down the hall,"Tobi is good boy!"

     Tsubaki opened the scroll and pulled out her Gumbai, placing it into the holder on her back. "I kind of forgot about my weapon since in the past 8 years I couldn't carry it around in public. Not very smart to be unarmed in a nest of high rank rogues, now is it?"

     As soon as she saw the orange mask, the Uchiha demanded,"I want my name back."

     Still in disguise, he cooed,"Tobi wonders why there is a little girl in here!"

    "Drop the act, Obito. I'm ordering you to give me the name of Madara Uchiha back."

    His eyes narrowed and his voice dropped a ton of octaves,"Madara Uchiha died eight years ago."

     "And I came back to life as the youngest in the head family of Uchiha. So?"

    He swung a blade at her and she dodged, but let it slice a bit of her shirt. "Cool, I've always wanted to try a crop top."

     When the fabric hung down, they saw that she had six pack abs underneath there. With the stares, she huffed,"What?! Never seen a girl with abs before? I can't disgrace the name of Madara with the nonexistence of abs! That's blasphemous!"

     There were no replies.

     "Well, fuck ya'll too... Oh yeah, Tobi, I need you to disband the Akatsuki and stop going after revenge."

    He, the third person that day, also choked on his spit.

    "Nailed it."