the diary // jensoo

did we make it? (epilogue)

jisoo.

present time (2020).

i couldn't stop the tears that were falling out my eyes as i closed this notebook that had been delivered to me a few hours ago. my heart was clenching — it felt as if i was reliving the exact events that happened 10 years ago.

i was going on about my day, preparing dinner for kenzo and my daughter, candice when suddenly a knock on the door paused me on whatever it was i was doing. i turned the heat to low so the food wouldn't burn when i was away. i glanced at the wall clock and realized that it was still too early for kenzo or candice to get back home, so i got confused as to who it was knocking on my door at this time of day.

i walked to the front door, not even bothering to take off my apron. i cracked a little space to see who it was knocking and i was greeted by a delivery man.

"good evening, are you jisoo kim?"

"yes," i replied instantly. "i don't remember ordering something though. and my husband and daughter didn't tell me they bought something."

"oh, this isn't an order," he replied. "it's actually a delivery for you."

"from who?"

"from jennie kim."

a glacial rush went through my spine. my brain stutters to comprehend what i just heard and my lungs finds a hard time to regulate oxygen thorough out my body. my hand unconsciously widened the door for him and i guess it also confused him why i was so shocked to hear him say that.

"are you okay, miss," he asked. "you look pale."

"no, i'm fine," i replied trying to sound nonchalant as possible.

he nodded and handed me the delivery, he let me sign a paper before finally heading off.

my hand were shaking as i closed the door in front me, but my other hand was experiencing an earthquake as it gripped the parcel. i sat on the sofa and tried to calm my exploding heart. just as i was to open the parcel, i hear the familiar sound of my oven go off indicating that the food i was baking was done.

i decided to hide the parcel for now and get back to it when everyone is sound asleep.

"jennie, you're such a fool," i sobbed as i clutched the notebook to my chest.

you might be confused as to what was delivered to me. it's actually jennie's diary years ago — when we were still in high school, our happiest days. i thought that i was the only one writing on a diary, but turns out, she is too.

my emotions roared inside my chest and it felt as if my brain is trying to deny everything that it just read.

all these years — i lived 10 years of my life telling myself that jennie left because she didn't love me anymore. all these years, this fucking 10 years, i was led to believe that she was selfish and the worst human being ever.

everything she did, she did it all for me.

i was devastated. my heart broke into million of pieces. it felt like the sun couldn't shine on me anymore. my the emotions roared louder, it spread all through out my body like a deadly disease and i didn't even do anything to stop it.

i embraced the hurt.

i let my heart break and break, i could almost hear it cracking from the inside. i gripped the notebook tighter, i held it tighter than anything else i've held. i let the pain overwhelm, i let it take control of me and i let my tears pour. i have never felt such pain in my life before. the truth does indeed hurt, it hurts more than the lies, it hurts more than the heartbreak i endured 10 years ago.