Baby Boy | Zustiall AU [COMPLETE]

Thirty Five

"Can you at least tell me where you were, what you were doing?" Justin asks later that night. He can't stop thinking about it, no matter how much he wants to. He's so, so relieved that his husband is home and safe, but he can't help but wonder now what tore him away from the two people he loves most.

"Jay, stop worrying about it," Zayn tells Justin, wrapping an arm around Justin and pulling him into his chest. "Seriously, everything is fine now. Just close your eyes. You look like you haven't slept since I left."

"And whose fault is that?" Justin demands, angry now. "It's not fair of you to just disappear on us with no explanation and then tell me not to worry! I'm not a child, Zayn, my concern is very valid and understandable! You can't just expect me to stop wondering what you've done now that you're home!"

Zayn rubs his eyes. "Can we please not fight about this right now? I'm so tired."

Justin's voice is shaking. "What could have been so bad that you can't even talk to me about it? What's happened, Zee?"

"Please just let it go."

"No! I can't! I've tried to, but I can't. I swept it all under the rug while Niall was here, because one of us had to keep it together, but you can't expect me to not have questions, or –"

"I'm not doing this right now," Zayn interrupts, rolling over in the bed. "Either you let me go to sleep or leave the room or something. I can't think about anything right now, I'm exhausted, and I don't want to snap at you." Justin snatches away from him and out of the bed, and Zayn rolls partially over to look at him with bleary, tired eyes, rimmed red from lack of sleep. "What is it?"

"I'll go sleep in the guest room, I guess," is all Justin says back. He knows it probably isn't fair of him to be so upset, but he's never been away from Zayn for so long with absolutely no idea of where he was or what he was doing. Now Zayn won't talk about any of it, and all of the uncertainties of the situation are making him both anxious and terrified. So he slips away into the guest bedroom, curls up on the left side of the bed. It feels so empty without either Zayn or Niall in it, and he squeezes his eyes shut extra tight trying not to think about it.

Justin is woken up later by movement in the bed, and to his surprise, he rolls over to find Zayn climbing in beside him. "What the hell?"

"Shit. I didn't mean to wake you, I'm sorry." Zayn's voice is raspy from exhaustion. "It feels...it feels wrong to not sleep in the same bed as you, especially after having not done so the last couple days. I know you're angry at me, and you're completely justified in being so, but please just let me cuddle with you. I missed you so fucking much, the last thing I want is to feel so far away from you."

"I'm sorry," Justin whispers, and Zayn settles into the bed beside him. "I overreacted. I was just so worried, and...the secrets make me anxious. I'm so sorry."

"Shhh," Zayn murmurs, and he holds his husband like he's so wanted to for the last few days. The search for words to explain what happened is painful, so he just shuts his eyes. The words will find him, and when the time is right, he'll find a way to explain.

- - -

The last thing Niall expects at 7am is to open his front door to see Justin and Zayn beaming at him, or to hear Justin shout, "Wanna go to the planetarium?"

"What?" Niall asks, partially because he's still in his nightgown, and partially because he sort of figured that they were going to talk about everything before they started going on dates again like normal. "I thought –"

"I know," Zayn interrupts. "But...I wanted one last normal day. One last day where we just are ridiculous and goofy and affectionate like normal before everything changes."

Niall leans against the doorjamb. "Is everything really going to change so much?" The question makes him nervous.

"I don't know," Zayn answers honestly. "I really don't. So...let's go to the planetarium."

Niall can't help but laugh. "Okay, let me just get dressed quick." He makes his way back to his bedroom, and all he can think about is how fast all of this has happened. He thinks about how much he loves his boyfriends – God, does he love them – and about all of the mess, all the trauma and the running and the lying...it's all so messy. It's so much to put on a new relationship, and he sits on the edge of his bed for a minute just to reflect on how long something this chaotic can really last.

He swallows back the tears, pulls on an overall dress and a space themed shirt, and heads out to the hall to meet them.

"If they don't have any cool astronaut t-shirts, I will riot," Justin says as they get into the car. 

- - -

The planetarium is really cool, Niall has to admit that, even though he can't really focus on all of it. He's so much in his head, and he's so overwhelmed and anxious and scared. Justin is chattering excitedly about everything – this is the exact kind of museum situation that doesn't make him anxious, because it's so interactive. There's stuff to push and climb on and play with, so he's not just forced to stare at stuff the whole time. He's clearly having the time of his life, and Niall has to blink back tears multiple times because he loves him so fucking much.

"Niall, look at these skirts," Justin calls, and Niall can't help but smile tearfully at the skirts with prints of the starry night sky on them. "Baby? Are you crying?" Justin asks, voice pitching up with concern.

Niall wipes his cheeks. "I...I'm fine."

"No, angel, what is it?" Zayn asks, inching closer so he can see Niall's face properly.

Niall swallows hard; can he even say the words? He forces himself to take a deep breath, to square his shoulders, and look at both of his boyfriends. They look so worried and concerned, and it makes Niall's eyes well up again, and he counts to three in his head and then says the words.

"I think we should break up."