💫She's Different💫

Building Bella's Trust

Bella's been sleeping in my bed a lot frequently these days. Every two hours or so she'd wake up and scream or cry and it's hard but mommy duties. She needs to know that I'm right here and that no one will hurt her.
"I can't sleep mommy! He hurt me in my dreams!" She said while crying. She came onto my bed and went under the covers in embarrassment.
"Where's your shorts Bell?"
"I took them off. I dunno why, but I'm too scared to get them mommy."
"It's okay, your shirt'll cover you up. Let's try and go back to sleep?"
"No I'm going to get hurt."
"It's safe here honey, you won't get hurt, I can promise you that sweetheart, I won't let anyone touch you like that."
"Pinky promise?"
"Pinky promise." She cuddled me and closed her eyes. She was tired! But the nightmare overrides her tiredness.
"I'm scared!" She whispered.
"I'm right here, nothing will happen okay?"
"Squeeze my hand when you have a bad thought." She squeezed my hand slightly.
"We don't have to talk about it okay?"
"Okay. I just don't want you to let go mommy!"
"I won't. Don't you trust me?"
"I guess so. I have a hard time trusting people,"
"Then let's work on trusting each other more hmm?" She nodded.
***
"Yay we make cheesecake! You're finally home from working like a million years." Noah said.
"I know, sorry guys. But I'm here now right?"
"Yeah."
"Bella?" She was sucking her thumb in the corner of the room.
"Bella?" She ran into her room and closed the door. Poor Bella!
"Alright uh, Noah can you get the Oreos from my bag please?"
"Sure mommy."
"Alright. So we need 15 broken Oreos. Noah May you do the honors?"
"Yes!" He counted out 15 Oreos and continued breaking them into pieces.
"Thank you!" I turned the mixer on and added in cream cheese and sugar. After a while I also added in some sour cream and vanilla extract.
"Eww. Why did you put that in cheesecake?" Noah asked.
"Because, that's what makes it cheese cake."
"No! It's the cream cheese. You're silly!" He watched me crack the eggs and place them in the mixer one by one.
"This is a weird cheesecake."
"This is how they're made silly kid. Now hand me the Oreos."
"Here!" I put them in the mixer and eventually poured everything into the pan on top of the crust.
"When will it be done mommy?"
"In an hour or so. But then we need to keep it in the fridge for a while. So you'll have it after dinner."
"That'll take forever."
"Well, not when you're having fun."
"How are we supposed to have fun if Bella's sad?"
"Hmm, you're right. Do you wanna go check on her?"
"Sure." He walked into her room and came out very quickly.
"What happened?"
"She said no boys allowed. I think it's best that I just stay out here." Noah said while putting his hands up like he was surrendering. I couldn't help but laugh. He looked so darn cute like that.
"I'll go talk to her okay? Go watch tv."
"Okay." I walked into the room and she held up a sign saying,
"No Olivia allowed!" Over a piece Of Black paper.
"Really? Then I guess someone doesn't want Oreos. I'll just eat these by myself I guess."
"Noo!"
"Okay so then stop all of this," I said while gesturing.
"Do what we talked about." She threw the paper away and apologized.
"I accept, Come here." She crawled onto my lap quietly.
"When mommy called your name why did you run into your room like that?"
"Because I was too embarrassed."
"Is it like what happened at lunch the other day? You just don't want to say it in front of your brother."
"Yeah. It's so- I don't know how to say!" Little kids tend to have a hard time expressing themselves, so this wasn't a surprise to me.
"It's hard to say? Like you have something stuck in your throat?"
"Yes. I get nervous. It's like, I wanna talk to you Livia but it's hard."
"Talk to me about what?"
"Everything. A lot of stuff." She laid her head on my chest.
"About the sec-"
"No. I talk about it every week, no more!"
"Alright, I get it. What then?"
"I was having some bad thoughts about my other mommy."
"You can tell me," when I said that she began to sniffle. I gave her a kiss and gave her moment to cry.
"Sometimes when she didn't have the powder she'd hit me if I didn't do things the way she liked and stuff like that. So it makes it harder for me to trust you and stuff. I think you'd hurt me sometimes so I don't even do anything."
"I will never hit you. I can promise you that. But do me a favor and not run off, k buddy?"
"I won't do it again."
"Alright. Now I'm going to take the cheese cake out of the oven, are you coming?"
"No thank you, I'm going to play dolls."
"We'll talk more about this before bed?" She nodded and went under her covers.
****

"Do I have to go to school?"
"Yes, you need to learn so you can be whatever you want when you grow up munchkin."
"First grade is fun Bella. I was there last year, it was so cool."
"Look we're here!" I pushed open the door to the building and walked Noah to his classroom first and gave him a good bye then went to Bella's classroom.
"Let's go into your room, look at how pretty it is." As we walked inside her teacher greeted us. She stooped down to her level and smiled.
" Hi, You must be Bella, Bella Danielle?"
"Yes. What's your name?"
"My name is Ms. Hatcher. I'm looking forward to a great year with you."
"Me too. Can I play with that dolly?"
"Sure, look for the cubby with your name to hang up your stuff and then go and play." I smiled as I watched her run off.
"Olivia nice to see you again. How's Noah?"
"He has his days but he's amazing. It's been a while huh?"
"Yeah, I never knew you adopted again?"
"Well, not yet I'm fostering her for a year and then adopting."
"That's great. Is there anything that I should know about Bella?"
"Be gentle with her. And I know you will, but I'm just saying. Bella was actually one of my vics. She had trust issues so she's not gonna trust you right away. And she tends to have tantrums quite a bit."
"Oh alright, I'm sure it won't be much of a challenge. Anything else?"
"I don't think so. Bella come here for a sec."
"Yes Livia?" I picked her up and gave her a kiss.
"I'm going to work now, I want you to be good for Ms.Hatcher okay?"
"Okay Livia. Will you be home for bedtime?"
"I'll try sweet pea. But if I don't you can sleep in my bed and wait for me."
"Yay." She gave me a kiss and a cuddle.
"Bye Livia."
"Can Livia get one more kiss and hug?" She ran up to me and gave me another.
"Alright bye Bella."
"Bye! I love you."
"Love you more!" I left the building tearing up. My Bells!