What The Heart Remembers - The Heart #2 (Complete)

Chapter 8 - Part 1

Adonis

My hand reached out to find her but the space was empty. The sheets were cold. Laying on my stomach I opened my eyes to confirm that she was gone.

I rolled onto my back and gazed up trying to figure out if what I had let happen was going to do more harm than good. She had just recently found out that there had been 'us'. Even though I knew it was probably too much too soon I hadn't been able to stop it. It was like watching an accident about to happen and being helpless to stop it. It had been inevitable.

I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment wanting to savour every touch we had shared before I allowed it to be tarnished by her reaction this morning. And going by the fact that I was waking up alone, it wasn't looking good.

Opening my eyes again I let out a deep sigh before I sat up. I got up and found my boxers on the carpet. There was no use putting it off. I would have to face the consequence of my actions, even if they had been the most precious I'd had since she'd come out surgery.

I noticed only my clothes remained on my bedroom floor. When she'd left she'd taken her clothes with her.

The dread tightened my chest before I left my room in search of her. The house was quiet. I stopped outside her bedroom door was open but there was no sign of her. I passed by the kitchen but there was no activity there either. In the doorway of the living room I stopped. There she sat in silence her back to me.

I hesitated for a moment, building myself up the the worse case scenario that had already played through my mind.

"Harp," I said before I stepped into the room and she turned to face me. Her expression was reserved and it was hard to read what was going on in her head.

She gave me a weak smile but if it was meant to ease my worry it didn't. It made me feel more anxious about what was to come.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I dropped into the seat beside her on the sofa. I was still holding onto the hope that I was wrong and the night before was going to bring us closer. The need to touch her and reassure myself that everything was going to be okay despite my rising dread was nearly impossible to risk but somehow I did.

She shrugged dropping her gaze to her hands in her lap. Another bad sign. She couldn't even look me in the eyes. It was the same as having a one night stand you regretted. That's what her actions reminded me of.

"Don't shut me out," I asked softly, wanting her to open up to me. I had to believe I had a fighting chance. At least if I knew what was wrong there was a small chance I could fix it. But if it was because of her lost memories this would be unfixable. No matter how badly I wanted her to remember I couldn't bring back her memories of us.

Sighing she looked to me. There was a vulnerability in her eyes that made the protectiveness in me rise up in response. She bit her bottom lips as our eyes held and tried to figure out what she was going to say to let me down. There was no doubt, she regretted what had happened and that made me feel like the biggest asshole alive.

Feeling the pain in my chest spread and wrap around my lungs, making it difficult to breathe.

"I'm sorry," she said hoarsely when she saw me close off from her. It was a defence mechanism.

Her eyes glistened with tears as they searched mine. It hit me like a brick to the chest. I wanted to tell her it was okay but it wasn't. Struggling to contain my anger and guilt that felt like it suffocating me from the inside, I stood abruptly.

"Don't," she said grabbing my wrist, her eyes pleading with mine. But I didn't have it in it me to soothe her when I felt like she had physically grabbed my heart and ripped it to pieces.

"I can't," I told her pulling free before I stride from the room.

One thought after the other raced through my mind as I hurried back to my room with the intent of getting some clothes on so I could escape. I had to get out of my house, it was my only goal.

Inside my wardrobe I grabbed the closest pair of jeans and pulled them on. I didn't even register which shirt I grabbed before shoving my feet into my sneakers. I stayed only long enough to grab my keys before I headed for my escape route via the front door.

I didn't want to see her. It hurt too much, I needed to get out before I saw her again. But she was standing in the doorway of the living room on my left hand side watching me as I walked past.

"Where are you going?" she asked anxiously but I couldn't answer her. Emotion constricted my throat and I opened the front door and without a backward glance I left, slamming the door behind me.

When I drove out of the property, I had no clear destination just the need to get as far away as possible. Trying to stop myself from concentrating on the chaos inside instead of the road ahead I selected a CD and played it as loud as I could to drown out my thoughts. I didn't want to think.

It didn't surprise me after driving around for half an hour I found myself outside Aiden's house. I parked the car and switched it off. For most of my life I'd confided in Alex with every problem I had dealt with but this was different. Out of everyone Aiden understood what it felt like to be forgotten. Seeing Aiden's car in the driveway I got out of my car and walked to the front door.

I knocked and waited for someone to answer. Feeling anxious I shifted from one foot to the other.

"Hey man," Aiden greeted when he opened the door. I nodded.

"Come in," he said sounding surprised to see me standing on his doorstep.

I followed him and looked around seeing no one else.

"Everyone is out," Aiden said. "You're lucky I didn't have a class this morning."

I felt anything but lucky.

"What's up?" he asked seeing my obvious agitation.

"I messed up," I sighed rubbing my hands over my face.

He looked at me with concern.

"What did you do?" he asked.

I wasn't one to talk about my private life, especially details of my sex life but I needed someone to talk to about this or I was going to lose my mind. It was bad enough I had just left Lacey without telling her where I was going. I didn't want to hurt her but I couldn't pretend everything was fine.

"I..." I paused letting out a heavy sigh. "Slept with Lacey."

He considered my revelation.

"How did that happen?" he asked.

I rubbed my forehead as I tried to recall how we'd gotten into the situation where there had only been one outcome.

"It's complicated. She wanted me to kiss her. I couldn't stop and she wanted more," I said, feeling more like the asshole that should have done the right thing and gently let her down. It wasn't like one night together was going to fix gap that separated us and I'd gone through with it anyway.

"What happened?" he asked crossing his arms.

I began to pace as I tried to figure out the right words to describe the mess I was in.

"Our night together was great...it was like I had her again. The Lacey who remembered she loved me."

I closed my eyes for a moment reliving the brief euphoria of happiness I'd felt at our connection.

"But," I said opening my eyes. "When I woke up this morning she was gone. I should have known better. It was too much too soon."

He shook his head at me.

"You can't blame yourself," he told me putting a hand on my shoulder. His features serious.

I wanted to believe him but I didn't. I felt like I'd failed her and nothing anyone said was going to make me feel differently.