What The Heart Remembers - The Heart #2 (Complete)

Chapter 11 - Part 1

Adonis

The sight of the article reminded me of one of the toughest periods of my life. Even months later it still affected me and I could still feel the emotions fresh in my mind. The photo of me exiting the hospital was hard to look at it. To think about what I'd been going through at that moment was difficult to relive.

I turned to face Lacey. Even the sight of her alive in front of me did nothing to ease the power of the emotions that I had experienced when her life had been hanging the balance. It also reminded me of the DNR she had signed without telling anyone. It had felt like a betrayal and I couldn't ask her why she had done it. Maybe one day I would get a chance to find out why.

There were times I loved my career. Standing in front of thousands of screaming fans being able to perform was an exhilarating high. But the attention of the media was definitely a downside. I had tried to shield Lacey but I'd been unable to stop them from writing articles about her.

In amongst my past emotions guilt found its way in.

"I tried to keep the media from finding out about you," I said holding her gaze. "But I couldn't."

She studied me for a few moments.

"I don't blame you," she assured me, her earnest eyes holding mine. "It's just that Trisha came by today."

"What did she say?" I asked, curious.

She hesitated for a moment.

"She asked me if I was feeling better. I wasn't sure if she was referring to the flight or my surgery. She said you'd been very worried about me." Her hand reached out and found mine. It fit perfectly in mine, it was difficult to fight the feeling that despite everything she belonged with me. "When she mentioned she'd read about it in the media I needed to see it for myself."

I understood. My subconscious, the part of me that wanted to protect myself told me to pull my hand away from her but the warm spread in my chest won and I held her hand tighter in mine.

"They said I was a family friend."

I let out a deep sigh before running my hand through my tousled hair. "If I'd told them the truth they would have hounded you and it would have been a nightmare."

I had wanted to be able to shout from the rooftops that I loved her but to protect her I had kept my mouth shut and agonised in my own personal hell where very few knew how much she really meant to me.

"I know."

I clamped my mouth closed.

The pull to her was strong as our gazes held. The urge to pull her to me and kiss her was nearly impossible to fight. But I remembered the feeling of betrayal of finding out about the DNR and her emotional meltdown after the night we'd spent together. I couldn't cope.

Determined I eased my hand from hers. Her gaze dropped and she stepped back stuffing both of her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. It wasn't about hurting her but I had to protect myself.

"I need a shower," I said abruptly before I left her there watching me walk away.

I closed the door behind me and let out a heavy sigh. I leaned against it before I pushed away from it.

I headed into the bathroom and showered, hoping by keeping myself busy that it would stop me from remembering about her time in the hospital and all the feelings that I associated with that but there was no stopping them. After I towelled myself I went into my room and pulled on a pair of sweats.

My hand went to Harp's necklace that still hung around my neck. I touched the harp briefly. The rush of emotion I felt was something I didn't want to feel. I wanted to give the necklace back to her. She knew we had been together but without the memories to deepen the emotion the necklace wouldn't mean as much to her as it did to me.

Besides I wasn't sure, even with my decision to close the door on us, if I was ready to let go of it yet. Keeping my distance didn't weaken how I felt about her.

My stomach rumbled remind me I needed food. I didn't have the energy to try and go out so I was going to settle for room service tonight. I did feel a little guilty that Lacey had been cooped up the hotel room all day and would probably love a chance to get out.

But there was something else I had to do before I left my room. I had been so busy doing one interview after the other that I hadn't been able to call Dr. Clark. I reached for my phone and dialled his office number. Unfortunately he was busy with a client so I left a message with his secretary and she assured me he would call me back as soon as he was finished.

I didn't want Lacey to go out on her own so I called Trisha and asked her to organise a bodyguard who knew London well so she would be protected while she was out.

"I'll get it sorted," Trisha assured me.

"Thanks," I said before I ended the call. At least I wouldn't spend tomorrow worrying whether she was okay.

I stepped out of my room to find Lacey lying on the sofa in front of the TV which was still on. She looked so peaceful as she slept with her hands tucked beneath her head, her lips opened slightly. I bent leaned over her and brushed her cheek gently with my fingers. I held my breath as she murmured something.

I retracted my hand like I had been burned. Would I ever be able to be around her and not feel the way I did about her? Just the slightest touch of skin was enough to make me want her. To press my lips against hers and be with her in the closest way two people could be.

Stepping back I breathed in and out trying to calm my thumping heart. I rubbed the back of my neck.

I called room service and spoke quite loudly hoping it would wake her so I wouldn't have to carry her to her room but she didn't.

Even though I didn't want to be close to her I picked her up gently into my arms. I couldn't stop myself from hugging her close and breathing her in before I carried her into her room. I lay her down and she shifted slightly smiling in her sleep. I pulled the comforter over her and she snuggled deeper into the pillow.

For a few minutes I stood mesmerised watching her. It was only the sound of my phone ringing that jolted me to the present and I rushed to answer it.

It was Dr. Clark. I told him about the pancake incident and how Lacey had mentioned Aiden's name in her sleep.

"Do you think it means she's remembering?" I asked anxiously, holding my phone tighter against my ear as I paced the room.

"It could be," he answered, sounding reserved.

I wanted confirmation, not a maybe.

"Is it possible that she'll only remember bits and parts? And not everything?" I asked, not sure I wanted the answer.

"Yes. It's a possibility."

I couldn't hide my disappointed silence.

"The mind is complex," he began to say. "There's a chance she'll remember everything but there is also the possibility that despite these incidents she won't. She could continue to relive small moments but the full memory may never return."

Never return. Echoed in my mind.

Rubbing my forehead I tried to take in what he was saying. The disappointment swelled within me and I ended call. I slumped down on the sofa and put my head into my hands. I rested my head against the sofa and looked up to the ceiling as I tried to gather my thoughts and make sense of them.

I loved and cared for her but I couldn't deal with the rollercoaster anymore. The up and down, the hope and the disappointment. It was too much.