Path To Retaliation (Fighter's Den, #2)

Chapter 11 - Cameron

*Trigger warning: this chapter contains graphic content of domestic abuse. Please read with caution or skip over select scenes entirely.*

I'm a fucking mess.

Sitting here, on Avery's couch, after a week of disappearing on her and being a distant asshole just the week before that makes me want nothing more than to to hold and love her and never fucking stop.

Yet here I am sitting as far away from her as I can because I'm a piece of shit that doesn't deserve her. And she's about to find out exactly why.

I spent the past couple of weeks trying every possible way to cut complete ties and connections that are linking me to my past. I don't want that life anymore. Never did, never will. However, I can't just up and leave for several reasons. So while I bought myself some time, I know it's not truly over. But that's not something I'm going to share with Avery. I want nothing more than for there to be zero secrets between us but if I have to lie to protect her, I will. I'll tell her as much as I can get away with telling her but that's all. I scoff at myself. Even my filtered information will be enough to send her running.

The thoughts alone twists my gut painfully and the familiar sensation of panic and fear lick at my insides like wildfire. I meant it when I told her I've never been so out of sorts without her. Losing her, after knowing what it's like to have something so good, so pure, so mine, well...I don't think I can survive something like that. But I can't keep this up. I can't hide half my life from her and expect a relationship from her at the same time. Relationships are built on trust, honesty, and communication. We can't stop living in our fantasy world. And based on the grim expression on her face, she knows that as well as I do.

For now, I try to push the bullshit that is my life out of my mind so I can focus on whatever Avery is about to tell me. Her earlier words come back to me and I find myself straightening my spine in resolve.

"You might feel murderous but I don't want you doing a damn thing."

Which most likely means what she's going to tell me has to do with someone she isn't fond of or someone who's hurt her. Or both.

Even the idea of Avery hurting has my hands curling into fists, prepared to kick the living shit out of whoever she names.

Because nobody, fucking nobody, mistreats my woman.

The sound of Avery clearing her throat catches my attention and I immediately feel like a dick for zoning out when she's about to open up to me. When I look at her though, her attention isn't on me. She's looking across the room at nothing in particular while she seems to gather her thoughts.

"I'm scared." She admits in a soft voice. "I don't want to lose you once I've laid out all my demons."

I offer a wry smile she can't see me. "Believe me, the exact same thing won't stop running through my mind."

That gets her to turn towards me. Her eyes look hopeful. "Really?"

"Really." I insist, leaning the side of my head on the back of her couch and staring at her. "I understand where you're coming from. I know exactly how you feel right now which means I would never leave because of it. And no matter what it is, sweet cheeks, I'll support you."

Her eyes shine with unshed tears and she looks away from me again. "I needed that."

I merely wait in silence until she's ready. She takes another deep breath, steeling herself, and I do the same.

"The tequila you noticed earlier today...yesterday was rough, to say the least." She starts. Already, guilt tastes bitter on my tongue over the fact that I wasn't there for her. I could have been. "I was leaving for work and stuck in traffic when I got a phone call. I thought it was my boss because I was running unbelievably late so I answered without even looking at the display I.D." She pauses and shakes her head like she still can't believe she'd done that. Something like dread blankets me.