Do I Wanna Know? || Ashton Irwin

9

I didn't think I was so used to holding Jack, but when I felt sort of jealous while Ashton was holding him and not offering him back to me I knew it was like a part of me was almost missing. My hands were lonely with the lack of a baby and they really had no clue what to do.

My phone was still vibrating every minute, I was surprise it wasn't dead yet. I'd shut it off, but I certainly only had it on if an important call came in; like my family.

I'd listened to Ashton go on about touring and the new single, throwing in a bit of harmless teasing. We caught up and maturely swapped wedding plans after a few bits of us stuttering and choking on our words because we weren't sure how the other would react.

Ashton was set on wearing a pair of boots with his tux, but Sarah wasn't going to let it happen. She gave him a proposition: dress shoes or don't show up to the wedding at all. Which was only testing him. If he didn't show up, Sarah'd find him and take it out on him. If she was still doing that. If I were Ashton I'd go with the latter. I could list about one hundred things that sound better than marrying Sarah.

Ashton asked if I'd found my dress yet, I only nodded. He pestered me to see a picture, but I lied and said I didn't have one. I felt fairly superstitious when it came to the wedding, any portion of it. I mean, surely nothing good came out of showing your ex a photograph of the dress you'd only dreamt of wearing with him.

"Hi, excuse me?" A short blonde walked up with her very tall husband. "Sorry to just randomly come up to you like this."

I glanced at the twins making sure they weren't causing havoc or they weren't hurt. "Oh, no, it's okay." I assured with the friendliest smile I could manage. There was something about being next to Ashton that made me nervous, made my skin twitch, made my smile feel goofy...all in the best ways possible, though.

"I'm Courtney..." She put her hand out and I gave it a shake, doing the same with Joe. "This is my husband, Joe."

"I'm Talia."

"I'm Ashton." He held Jack and tried to go for a hand shake too, but it didn't work. "Her husband." I turned to look at him, clearly he made a mistake, but his smile said otherwise. It wasn't exactly unbelievable that we'd be married, according to Eli I looked like that fucking emoji when I stared at Ashton. Further ignoring the comment, I relished in our improvisation. Physically and verbally we could back any lie up.

"I was wondering your workout and diet regimen...you just look absolutely great for having three kids." Courtney brushed her blonde locks out of her face, tucking them behind her ears. I shifted uncomfortably under her eyes wondering my body from bottom to top like one of those cameras at award shows trying to get a nice shot of a dress.

"They aren-" A total of three times was how often people have came up to me wondering about how I popped out three kids and still looked good. Hint, maybe we should all consider that not everyone had kids, some people were in situations of guardianship. Not saying that I hadn't started to think of Eli, Ella, and Jack as my own. I became more and more attached to them as every day passed. The four of us were all learning. Even Ana and Jack were learning as they went along and that was something anyone dealing with children had to do - take it day by day.

"Pasta has helped her a lot." Ashton cut in. "Pasta and always walking to work."

I did walk to work every chance I got, it'd helped to break in numerous pairs of shoes and allowed me to save a bunch of money that wasn't wasted on taxi fees. I didn't eat pasta that often...okay, maybe it was what I had for one meal every day...But I thought pasta made you bloated? Personally, I couldn't tell the difference when I ate it, though I was sure it did nothing to contribute to my body. It was just a neutral contributor.

"Oh! Do you have any meal recommendations?" Courtney pulled out her phone for I assumed to write down anything I said to help herself out. I was the wrong person to come to for diet and workout tips. I would never be caught working out and people in the fitness world would cringe at me for my habit of "indulging" too much.

"Spaghetti is always a plus. Fettuccine Alfredo too." Ashton said knowingly. Surely, he'd recommend his favorite - spaghetti.

"Guess we're having spaghetti for dinner!" Joe exclaimed, throwing an arm over his wife's shoulders and kissing the side of her head.

Courtney's phone stopped illuminating her face and she shoved it in her front pocket of her jeans which was truly fascinating to see a woman manage to accomplish. "It's so nice to see a loving family like ours, out here." Oh, Courtney, if only you knew...

"How did she persuade you into pushing the stroller?" Joe gave Ashton's arm a slap, causing Ashton to jump a little and making Jack stir in his sleep, but with Jack's comfort towards Ashton, Ashton succeeded in calming him down and lulling him back into slumber. "Football tickets? An extra twenty minutes of hanky panky?"

"No persuasion was needed. I'm happy to push the stroller whenever she asks me to." Ashton adjusted Jack in his arms. At least that wasn't a lie.

"He's a keeper." Courtney smiled big and all but squealed at us - the fake couple. We were worse than those celebrities who were paid to be together.

After five more minutes of pretending to be a happy married couple, Courtney and Joe scooped up their two kids and left. I sat awkwardly on the bench, not saying a word.

I wanted to ask Ashton to spend the night, but how appropriate was that when we were both engaged to different people. What if he was freaked out by me asking? What if he got upset? What if we got into an disagreement about something? There were so many factors I needed to consider. So many what if's that crossed my mind as usual. Any day I'd rush to Francis's office and ask his opinion on this, but it was a Sunday and he was off. I could run off to the bathroom and call his personal cell phone number and ask for his help, but that'd make me feel too desperate. And desperate was what I was trying to avoid in this situation. Desperation when it came to Ashton was what got me here in the first place. Being that desperate, small, and scared nineteen-year-old was the reason I'd fucked up.

But why couldn't I just be a simple person? Why couldn't I just flat out ask without putting so much thought into everything?