SLEEPSONG (BoyxBoy)✔️

Chapter 48

Chapter Forty Eight

I am an impulsive person.

I always have been, even when I was a kid.

Take anime for example: people love it when protagonists who are oh-so obviously in love with each other dance a dance that doesn't even need to happen and get themselves into heaps of trouble thanks to their shyness and inability to communicate, and it takes literally an entire series before two people find happiness.

Me?

I've never had the patience or even the emotional resistance to deal with that sort of feeling so I've always, always been blunt about what I want, always been straightforward and honest, and I've always said what I feel without cutting corners. Unfortunately, because I do that and because I am so freaking impulsive, I often speak and act before I have a chance to really think.

That, my friends, is why I am such a fucking idiot.

The world tunneled as I stared at Woody's stunned green eyes, which hadn't blinked at me for over thirty seconds and counting, the sheer shock of my request taking hold of us both. I felt my ears and my cheeks and everything else heating up and tensed, horrified by what I'd just asked.

"I-I-I," I babbled, hands starting to shake in mortification. "I-I mean, um... no, uh, I... I know it sounds weird, but, um, I..."

Oh, God, why I couldn't I shut up?! I shrank down, feeling myself becoming smaller and smaller when the man finally blinked and seemed to shake himself free of his stupor. He stared at me for a second, then sighed through his nose and raised his hand, signing a clear, hard--

'No.'

I stared at the position of his fingers until he lowered his arm, then glanced at his eyes to see that they seemed a little upset and disappointed, although I couldn't place why... or, rather, I knew why, but... God, why couldn't things ever be easy?

I took a moment to gather my wits, to calm myself down, and once I did I looked at him firmly. Even though the request was stupid, I had my reasons for asking, impulsive or not, and at the very least I wanted him to understand them so things wouldn't be weird.

"I'm not hitting on you," I explained, and he blinked suspiciously; I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head in distress. "I asked because I've only ever kissed two people in my entire life, the first being a boyfriend I had a long time ago and the second being Sebastian."

Confusion made his nose wrinkle and he raised his hand, signing, 'I do not swing that way, and more than that... I am disappointed in you for suggesting something like this so soon after leaving Sebastian behind. It is---'

"That's not it!" I cried, and he paused mid-way through gesturing, meeting my eyes. I puffed my cheeks out in irritation for a second, then closed my eyes and reluctantly said, "I asked you to kiss me because I get the same... sparks, and tingles with Sebastian that I did with my first love, and I don't know if it's a thing that happens whenever you're kissed or if its because there really is love behind it. That's why I need you, or anybody, really, to kiss me! I need to know!"

Confusion made green eyes narrow; he seemed to be genuinely bamboozled by my logic.

'Why did...' he signed, then paused and wrinkled his nose before continuing, 'why did you ask me, of all people? There are many other available options, aren't there? So, why me?'