Project: Socialize (Chapters 1-197)

170. Cycle

"Not everyone in this world is out to hurt you." 

Those were the words that my dear teacher and guidance counselor had given me in regards to my whole situation. To be fair, those are truly wise words, especially for me. However, if it was just as easy as it may seem. In all honesty, I know that I'm isolating myself a bit too much. In fact, I also know that there are people out there in this world who I believe care for me. For example, there's Loriana. However, I cannot count on her in regards to this situation because I do not want to become even more of a burden to her than before. I'm simply a leech that's leeching off of her generosity with no way of repaying her...

With my back resting against the soft, cushioned backrest of the couch, my eyes was kept on the television screen. However, I wasn't watching it. Instead, I was trying to blank my mind of any ulterior thoughts and simply focused on the incident that was at hand. I must, for both my sake and Irina's sake, find a solution that would alleviate the awkwardness of our situation and repair the relationship. If I don't, things will just fall apart from here on and the relationships that I've been trying to protect by avoiding direct confrontation would simply fall apart anyway. Something must be done.

If I were to calmly look at it from the bigger picture, there are two main parts to my suffering. One of them is the one that I cannot tell anyone as it was a promise that I had made with Luna about her disease. That's the one I have to deal with on my own. Then, there's the situation with Irina. That one...well, it's not necessarily kept extremely concealed as a secret as people around us were slowly realizing that there's something amiss between us. In fact, I believe they've all realized it now, but the true reason why is the thing that they're oblivious about. The only part that I could possibly seek external aid from is the part involving Irina. However, I am reluctant to bring in anyone else as they're not involved in this rather private issue. Besides, I do not know whether or not Irina would consent to have her feelings be told to others. Therefore, in the end, it's still a dead end...

With a fatigued sigh, I closed my eyes and rubbed them with my hands. I was particularly fatigued that day. It was mainly a spiritual fatigue, but spiritual fatigues are reflected on the physical body. Therefore, this spiritual fatigue caused me physical fatigue that not even a warm bath could eradicate. 

"What would you do," a familiar voice originating from the television said. "If I tell you I'll be dead soon?"

I opened my eyes and saw that a commercial was being played on the television and it starred Irina and Henvle. From the looks of it and the general vibe that I'm getting, Irina and Henvle appeared to be a couple in the commercial and the person Irina was playing as had contracted a sort of terminal illness that would result in her inevitable death. It was one of those stupid romantic type that catered towards the younger generation with its innocence and pure atmosphere. It's fairly contained in the dialog with an emphasis being placed on the character's love for each other and their preparation to say the final goodbye to the other. At the end of it, Irina's character passed away, leaving Henvle's character alive. However, the commercial depicted the two in a metaphorical matter since the ending scene was the two embracing in a field of flowers, symbolizing that the two are still together since they were able to prepare for this physical separation by allowing their spirit to bond. The commercial then concluded with the two celebrities reading a simple and short awareness statement for the disease, and slowly, the screen faded to black in order to smoothly transition out of the commercial sequence.

This commercial caught my attention as it seemed to apply to me. However, it wasn't exactly the same situation for me, but it was still pretty similar. However, the commercial is still simply a commercial and real life doesn't work that way. Besides, I'm not even her lover, so there's no possible way her spirit could even bond with mine. Instead, it's main focus would be on her boyfriend, Loyd. That is if the relationship isn't simply one to pass time. Come to think of it, I've never really thought about it. When did they possibly developed true feelings for each other? Is there even a true feeling between the two?