the roommate → brad simpson | ✓

forty five - "youre so bloody stupid"

Exams were finally over. It felt like they would never end but as I walk out of the exam hall on Friday afternoon I can't help but smile in relief.

I had managed to avoid Brad as much as I could while I did my exams. He was the last person I could bare to see because I'd just end up having an emotional breakdown again. The only times I'd seen him were when we passed in the hallway and I avoided eye contact, turning to my phone or suddenly needing to look at my books.

"There you are!" Britt pushes through the crowd to me and grabs my hand. "We're going to that party tonight, remember? We've got to start getting ready."

"Britt, it's only three, we've got hours left."

"There's another episode of Keeping Up with The Kardashians on my laptop that we have to watch first," she explains and I nod understandably. She loves the Kardashian's.

She drags us up to the dorm and we both lie on her bed with some junk food she bought during my exam as she sets up the show. We watch the episode and it's soon dawning on to half past four.

She gets up and starts filing through her clothes. I don't bother because I know I'll just wear some mom jeans and a shirt today. I hadn't worn my mom jeans in almost two weeks and the skinny jeans I'd been wearing felt like they were suffocating me.

"Can you curl my hair for me while I do my makeup?" She asks, sitting on a chair in front of her vanity and I nod, climbing off of the bed and heating up her curlers while she got changed into a tight dress.

We sit listening to her generic pop music playlist while I do her hair and she does her makeup. When she's ready, she takes some selfies while I change into my outfit and shove on my chunky heeled boots before brushing through my hair. I didn't bother doing anything else because I didn't feel like I needed to impress anyone.

By the time we're both fully ready, it's almost half past seven and we start making our way out of the dorm. Apparently the party was in a frat house so we didn't have far to walk however Britt was wearing heels so we were moving slower than usual.

Already, the campus was bustling with an endless amount of students as Britt and I make our way to the party.

"Thomas and I spoke the other day," she tells me as she holds on to a can of dark fruits. "It was just general conversation but it was nice to talk to him."

"Are you doing that thing where you talk about you and Thomas but suggest that that's what I should do with Brad?"

"What? No!"

"You do it all the time," I laugh half heartedly. "The other day you were talking about how Thomas was constantly staring at you but Thomas wasn't in the room but Brad was. I'm not stupid."

"Okay, fine," She grumbles, gulping down her drink and throws the can in the bin. "I am. But that's because I care about you and I want you to be happy again but you won't be without Brad."

"I'll live," I affirm. "I heard that Brad was hooking up with girls anyway, he's over me and I'm gonna be over him soon. I can't always be heartbroken over someone that doesn't love me."

"You and I both know those rumours aren't true!" She whines. "Brad's always fucking looking at you and trying to talk to you but you're so concentrated on avoiding him that you don't notice! I never told you but he asks me about you, asks if you're okay and tells me I better look after you. He loves you, Margo. Stop being so ignorant."

I'm saved from replying thankfully as we reach the frat house and I let out a shaky sigh. I didn't know Brad was checking up on me, I truly thought he'd moved on. He hadn't tried talking to me since he caught me talking to Thomas a couple of weeks ago.

"Drinks!" Britt shouts over the music and grabs my hand, guiding me to the kitchen where punch bowls and beer bottles lined the counters. I grab a bottle beer and open it before downing it quickly.

"To getting shit faced," I toast Britt as I grab another bottle of beer and down that one too. She laughs, drinking a cup of punch before we go to the dance floor.

Five beer bottles, three punch cups and a cider later, I announce to Britt and some other girls we had made friends with that I need the toilet.

I bid a farewell before finding my way upstairs. I rub my eyes and try to get to the bathroom without tripping and eventually I do. I jiggle on the handle and I'm thankful no one is in it.

I swing the door open, revealing a familiar mop of curls on the toilet seat, leaning over a white line of powder.

"What the fuck?!" I shout, causing Brad's attention to torn from the cocaine in front of him. "Oh my God—oh my—fuck! What are you fucking doing?"

I get the bag off of the side that was filled with more powder and throw the contents in the bin before blowing away the powder on the counter.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He yells, standing up off the toilet seat furiously.

"Are you serious? You're so bloody stupid, what were you thinking?!" I snap back and he laughs hysterically. "It's not fucking funny! Those drugs kill people you absolute bafoon! You could die taking them!"

"It's none of your business why I'm taking them," he snarls. "You don't care about me anymore and they're the only things that make me forget about you! It's the only thing that stops me from fucking hurting!"

My face falls at his words. He was willing to die taking drugs because he thought I didn't care about him? He couldn't be so wrong.

"Don't—I," I choke out a sob. His face softens and he steps closer but I shake my head, holding back a cry. "I'm so sorry—I'm such a shitty person."

Breathe. In through your mouth and out through your nose.

"Does it hurt that much?" I ask him and my voice cracks as I place my hand on his cheek. A tear slips out of his eyes and I quickly wipe it away. "I care about you, I really do, okay? I just needed time to think and do my exams, I'm so sorry."

He rests his forehead on mine as tears escape my eyes and his eyes and his hands are on my waist, holding me close.

"Please never do these again," I whisper hoarsely. "Please."

"Okay," his voice cracks as he speaks and I wrap my arms around his neck. "Okay, I promise."

His arms hold me tightly around me and he rests his head in the crook of my neck as he lets out a light sob and I hold him tighter to me.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" He whispers as he leans away slightly so he can see my face. I brush some hair out of his face lightly. "I don't wanna go to sleep alone anymore."

His eyes glistened. He was so hopeful but upset and I can't help but feel my heart break.

"Of course. I'll stay with you tonight."

unedited.