Seventeen

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My jaw slacked a little as Kota slid the plate of pancakes over the countertop in front of me. A stack of three medium flapjacks drizzled in syrup with a few strawberries lining the plate's edge. The world blurred; a cool drop ran it's course down my cheek and I fiddled with with course ends of my hair. I couldn't remember the last time I was free to enjoy this much food — not that I could stomach it of course, but that wasn't the point. This was the first time I was given something without a price to pay, without consequences or brutality to follow.

Well, I guess that's still in question, but I didn't get that feeling with Kota. As scary as he was in the beginning, Jack was far worse and that I handled for years.

On top of everything the sight was emotionally, this was also the first read food I'd had since Jack let me finish the pasta. I wasn't even sure how long ago it's been, time was being funny, as all I've been doing is resting.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Kota's voice was so soft, I could tell he truly cared that something was bothering me. "Oh, gosh, did I do something wrong? Do you not like pancakes? Oh no, you're allergic to something on the plate, aren't you?" He reached to take the plate back, but froze when I giggled. His bombardment of questions, feeling like he messed up, changed my overwhelmed tears, to happy ones. Because he had become so worried he did something wrong, when really, he'd done everything right.

Wiping my tears with my knuckle, I grabbed the plate back and picked up a fork. His smile stretched to his ears as he watched me take a couple bites.

"Well?" I gave him a thumbs up. "Can I ask you more questions while you eat?" I hesitated a split moment before nodding. He grinned, but I could see him studying my features, telling me he was going to tread lightly. "Let's start with: are you feeling better?"

That surprised me he chose that first. I swallowed my bite and gave a nod. While it wasn't one hundred percent true, it was true enough. I wasn't sure when I would really be better. He motioned to my arm and I focused on what kind of pain was coming from that part of my body. I studied my untouched purple cast, and felt nothing. The cast was heavy, but that was it. Looking Kota in the eyes, I shook my head, even waving my arm around a little to prove I wasn't in pain.

He let out a breath I didn't notice he had been holding. "That's good, I'm glad. I don't want you to suffer any more pain."

I gave him an appreciative smile before taking another bite. Most likely my last as my stomach couldn't handle much. He moved on to his next inquiry.

"Are you an only child?"

This one made me think. I wasn't sure what to call myself anymore. My sister died alongside my mother, so did that make me an only child, or was I still a sister? Eventually I decided on yes, I was still a sister, I still have a sister, even if it's only in heart and memory.

I arranged my hands into the ASL sign for "sister," hoping he might understand.

He furrowed his eyebrows, concentrating. "Brother?" I shook my head, and he tried again, "Sister?" I nodded and he smiled, only to drop it when he took in my expression. "Gone?" I nodded sadly and put my thumb to my chin, my fingers spread apart. He knew this one, "your mom too?" My expression was answer enough and he grabbed my hand gently across the counter. "I'm sorry, Eirenae."

Retracting them from his grip, I held up my hands to show seven fingers. 

"It's been seven years?" When I shake my head he furrows his brow, "it happened when you were seven." I confirmed and continued, "that must've been hard." I didn't answer and instead just scooped a strawberry into my mouth.

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