Ryden Oneshots

Moving Portraits of Two Boys

moving portraits of two boys [1/1]

Jul 28, 2008 00:34

Title: Moving Portraits of Two Boys.
Author: druscilla_way
Rating: PG-13.
Fandom: Panic! at the Disco.
Pairing: Ryan/Brendon.
Genres: Romance, drama.
POV: Third.
Word Count: 3411.
Summary: Different moments in the lives of two boys, trying to deal while trying to figure it all out. 

i. the years all behind me, the stories exhaled. 

Ryan was gay. Ryan had been gay since forever, known it since forever. Brendon had known it since he had met Ryan, when they were talking about their dream fucks after their first practice and Ryan’s was Gerard Way. And it had never bothered him. He didn’t know anyone who was gay, but it hadn’t bothered him. Sleeping in a van together, changing in front of each other, sleeping in the same hotel bed. It was just like being with a straight guy, except that Ryan preferred boys. 

It wasn’t like he had a crush on Brendon. 

“So how far have you gone with a guy?” Brendon asked one night. It was late, but they were both still awake, sitting on the same bed in their hotel room. Ryan was downloading music and Brendon was throwing a ball toward the ceiling, then catching it and throwing it again. 

“Uh, third,” Ryan said, making a face as his iTunes music store refused to load. 

“With who?” 

“Your mom.” 

“My mom’s not a guy.” Brendon aimed his ball at Ryan’s head, missing and hitting the window. 

“So you think.” Ryan grinned, shutting his laptop and setting it on the bedside table. “Go to sleep at a godly hour, Bren. We have to be up early tomorrow.” 

ii. i’m wondering if you’re waiting for me too. 

Brendon had never felt completely comfortable being alone with a person until he met Ryan. Ryan made him feel safe. Like that feeling when you just got over being sick but your mom lets you stay home from school anyway and you’re allowed to watch TV all day and drink ginger ale. He still slept in bed with Ryan even after they started staying in hotel rooms with two beds. Ryan didn’t seem to mind. Why would he? 

It wasn’t like he had a crush on Ryan. 

They were sitting in the lounge, too high on Red Bull to go to bed like Jon and Spencer had done two hours before. They were killing zombies in a video game. 

“Did you ever kiss a girl?” Brendon asked, jabbing repeatedly at the controller. 

“No.” Ryan shot him a brief, strange look. “I mean, do you kiss guys?” 

“I’ve kissed you,” Brendon said, tossing his controller to the floor as his character died. 

“Kissing someone so girls will scream doesn’t really count, Bren.” Ryan set his controller down on the couch, rolling his head back and letting the other boy lean against his shoulder. “We should probably go to bed, huh?” 

Brendon made a whining noise in the back of his throat and Ryan knew why. So many nights sleeping in the back of the van and sharing beds had made him almost dependent on human closeness. It took hours for him to fall asleep when Ryan wasn’t breathing against his skin. 

“You can sleep in my bunk,” Ryan offered, voice soft. “We can squish.” 

Brendon’s eyes were closed, but he smiled. 

iii. the way that i feel, the way that i’ll remember this. 

“Does it hurt?” Brendon asked. Ryan had fallen down a flight of stars and sprained his ankle. Now he was lying in bed with his foot propped on a pillow, Brendon fretting over him.