(Sequel to Two Gangs and a Golden Girl)
***
"If you even think about touching me, I will literally rip off your arm," I growl when Xavier prowls closer. He doesn't stop. His poison green eyes drill into mine.
"I will have you, Marigold, and we will...
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I can't believe I've basically broken up with Blake... I couldn't ever really call our relationship genuine, but it's still hard. Sometimes we get comfortable in our chains. And if Xavier is deceiving me... I've made the biggest mistake ever.
It's not that I want to marry Xavier, or even plan on it, but with my father alive, I have to wait for his call. The moment I found out he might still be alive, I should've broken off the engagement with Blake.
And then there's that annoying little voice inside that tells me I'm not burning when Xavier touches me, because he's poison. I'm burning because he's the antidote...
I take a moment to just breathe.
Look at what I've done. I've gone from making Blake a better person, to making him even worse. I made the decision to attack the North that got Calvin and Matt dead. I decided to go to the Northern ball and nearly get Lynch killed. I killed my uncle when he had to use his heart for me. I didn't even cry. And Jessy... I lost Jessy because I couldn't be there for her after her dad died for me.
I'm a horrible person and nobody can see that.
I feel a heavy storm brew inside, one threatening to wreck me from within. Guilt strangles you. Cuts off your air and makes you feel like you're suffocating. Maybe that's what made Rebma so easy. To not feel anything means to not feel that guilt.
I thank the mask for concealing my eyes to an extent. Gently, I remove Blake's ring from my finger. I clutch it in my hands and let our story play off in my head. How I thought he was a cocky jerk the first day I met him. How I slapped him across the cheek when he 'kidnapped me' and I walked back home. I remember how angry I was at him at Jane's party. And then those moments we connected... When I went into his dead brother's room and he opened up. I remember him quoting The Great Gatsby for me. I remember how he jumped in front of a bullet. Not to save me, but to save Camila, because he knew if I was to kill someone, I'd be lost.
And I remember how much he cried after Lynch got shot... How he played the piano for me... How I betrayed him and picked Owen when Xavier asked me who should live.
