Insane Doesn't Even Begin to Cover It...

Insane Doesn't Even Begin to Cover It... Chapter 53

Chapter 53:

            That night, at dinner, I can hardly stand how awkward I feel. I’m not sure whether Caden feels the same or not… because he seems totally fine. I, however, can’t seem to stop fidgeting. Twisting my seat and picking at my hair and nails… It’s crazy.

            Finally, Caden has enough and he carefully places his utensils down and stares at me with a look that just reads annoyance. Blushing slightly, I untangle my fingers from my hair and fold them in my lap, looking sheepishly down at my tray. I’ve hardly eaten anything at all, but I’m honestly not hungry.

            “Okay Senna, what’s wrong.” Caden asks, a few minutes later, after I’ve not eaten anything.

            Sighing, I pick up my notebook and write something, showing him when I’m done.

            ‘I feel kind of awkward…’

            He reads it and shakes his head when he’s done, rolling his eyes slightly. “Senna don’t worry, there’s nothing to feel awkward about. It wasn’t awkward for me at all, in fact I liked it. So honestly, calm down.” He says, a small smile on his face.

            That response just makes me blush, and I stare back down at my food, a teeny smile on my face also.

            Later that night, when I’m in bed and curled up, I can’t help but replay that one moment over and over in my mind – the moment when I held his hand.

***

            The next day, Becca makes us do the same thing as the day before, holding hands. First he holds one hand and then the other, with Becca supervising to make sure everything is okay.

            After about ten minutes of that, she moves us on to working on my arms. For some reason this is harder than my hands… I assume it’s because of all the times I’ve been given shots and things… I’ve learned to majorly distrust people who touch my arms or even come near them.

            First Caden inches his hand up to clasp my wrist, which makes the hair on my arms rise a little bit. Then slowly, slowly starts to move further up my arm. At first everything is fine, but then he reaches my elbow.

            I’m not really sure what happens, but somehow my arm moves out of his grasp, nearly hitting him in the face in the process. Within seconds I’m curled up in the chair, gasping, eyes closed, hand clasped around the area he touched.

            “Senna…?” Caden asks, in a questioning tone. His voice is soft as if he’s afraid to scare me.

            I can’t do anything to show that I’ve heard him, my whole body is tense. I’m trying not to cry, trying to work out whatever type of attack this is without making it a big issue. I know what happens when it becomes a big issue.

            My ears are ringing slightly, but eventually my heart slows down and the blood stops rushing through my veins. Only then am I able to hear that Caden and Becca are whispering to each other a few feet away. Taking a few deep breaths, I uncurl myself from the fetal position I was in, and sit up straight.

            There are bright red crescents on my arm from where my nails had pierced through the skin, but I try to ignore those. Caden looks at me when he notices my movements, and smiles a little nervously at me.

            “Are you okay, Senna?” Becca asks, coming over to kneel in front of me.

            Swallowing, I nod my head and brush my hair out of my face.

            “I think that’s enough for today…” She murmurs, and I agree. I don’t think I’m ready to go much further with that. Slowly, I get out of the chair and snatch my notebook and pen up, tucking them against my body. I take my time, kind of fiddling with my shirt and hair again, starting to feel a little shy. I hate freaking out like that, especially in front of Caden. It honestly makes me feel weak, which I hate.

            Although I guess it’s okay to feel weak sometimes.

***

            Later that day, after a very long shower on my part, Caden and I sit in the hallway outside of my room to wait for the lunch bell to ring. It’s been about three hours since the session this morning, and we haven’t exactly talked about what happened.

            At least, I haven’t. Caden has tried to get me to talk about it but I ignore his attempts.

            “You know, I really would like this treatment to be done as quickly as possible.” Caden muses, breaking the calm silence that had settled around us.

            Raising an eyebrow, I look over at him and he continues.

            “Just because I honestly want to get out of this hospital… I hate it here. You’re the only bright part of my day. But it hurts me to see you like that, so terrified… and know that I’m the one that caused it. It hurts even worse to see you when someone else causes it. Sometimes I wish you were never brought here, even though we wouldn’t have ever met.” He stops for a second and I quickly write something down before he continues.

            ‘It’s not your fault, you know. I just have problems. It’s not your fault. The treatment would be over soon… You could have already left though…’

            I add the last part on as an afterthought, but it is true. He could have left a while ago… but instead he chose to stay here with me. I can’t help but feel all shy because of it, but I do feel kind of ashamed. Almost like I’m holding him back from whatever else he could be doing right now.

            “Oh Senna, you don’t have to worry about that. I want to be here. I like helping you.” He says, smiling. “I really do, though. I like seeing you get better. It makes my day every time we make progress…” His words trail off and we just sit there in silence again, not an awkward silence, but a truly comfortable one.

            I can’t help but feel like this boy… is the only factor in my treatment that’s keeping me on track. I’m not doing it solely for personal reasons, not for myself, not for the doctors… It actually feels good to have someone backing me 100% on treatment and recovery… Something I honestly haven’t ever had.

***

Sorry for the slightly late update again. I try to update every Saturday but it ends up being in the early hours of Sunday when I actually post.

I get so distracted with playing games with friends, etc.

Sorry, my lovely readers.

Read/Review/etc.

Hope you liked it.

-      Lexi