In My Sister's Shadow-Book II

6. Exposed

Making our way into the apartment I stayed behind Zayn until we ascended the steps carrying the Lidl bag of food. First it was the cold draught that hit me, biting the end of my nose. After a short relaxing vacation at my parent's I forgot how dreadful the flat felt. How could I bring my children back here? The floorboards creaked under Zayn's heavy boots. He switched the light on but darkness resumed. He clicked it a few times, but it was still dark.
"What's wrong with the lights?" He clicked.
He made his way into the lounge and clicked on the switch. Yet, there was no light. Looking around the flat I searched for the camera, a device, maybe a red LED light. I felt suffocated knowing that somewhere someone was watching us. Where had Kash installed the camera?
"It's probably the meter."

With the light of my mobile, I made my way into the bedroom where the meter was located. Opening the small door, I kneeled on the cold floorboard and shone the light on the meter.
"Let me fix it." He hovered.
"It needs to be topped up."
He didn't understand.
The screen flashed. 'Low.'
"It's a prepayment meter. You have to top it up at the newsagent." I pulled the card out. "The fridge has been on, maybe that's why it used the electricity." He kneeled down next to me, and I moved away allowing him space to inspect the meter. He shoved the card in, pressed a few buttons hoping it would work. He didn't understand how a home works, he paid me a sum of money and left. I did everything.
"Damn it! Where's the nearest newsagent?"
Before he reached the conclusion, I was in the kitchen gathering my collection of candles I'd purchased saving up for an inventible time.
"They're closed." I struck the match and lit a vanilla infused candle cradled in a glass jar. I'd found a bargain, 10 small jar candles for five pounds. "There's no point now." I lit another rose scented candle in a glass jar.
"So, what are we supposed to do?"
I handed him the jar with the candle and it lit up his hands. "Are you for real?" He questioned holding the jar.
"Your phone battery won't last that long. Trust me, I tried it." We stood together in the kitchen with the flame flickering between us and a burst of soft scent of rose. The flickering candle was gracious and generous in the soft lighting making Zayn look normal, more human. There was a glint in his eyes, a lighter shade.
"Thank you for coming with me." With his right hand he reached out and coiled the strand of hair behind my ear. I flinched releasing the candle.
"I'll take the children's room tonight. You can have the lounge." I took the vanilla candle placed the jar in the hallway to light up the way. One by one, I dotted the tiny flickering candles around the flat but avoiding the lounge fearing that I would shine light on the camera.
When Zayn retreated to the bathroom, I grabbed the largest candle and entered the lounge. I looked around. Up at the ceiling. In the corners of the room searching for the device.
"Where is it?" I mumbled.
I had to find it before Zayn saw it. My mouth dry, my heart racing, I couldn't see anything.
'Where is it? I can't see it.' I texted Kash.
Quickly, he replied. 'You're not supposed to see it. It's in the lounge.'
I was being watched. I grew conscious of myself, my clothes, my hair and the way I was standing. Everything was being recorded and I didn't know from which angle.
"What you doing?
Behind me, Zayn stood in the doorway.
I froze wondering how strange I looked holding a candle and staring at the room.
"W-where I can put the candle." It was stupid and unimaginative, but it was the first think that came to my mind. Zayn pointed at the table like it was common knowledge. I lit another lavender candle and made my way out, but Zayn obstructed me. He extended his arm blocking the doorway. Could he read my mind? Did he notice the camera? Did he know something? I couldn't meet his gaze, nervous and twitchy I shuffled around but he wouldn't let me go.
"Are you annoyed?"
"At what?" I replied, still avoiding his gaze.
"Coming back?"
"No." I pushed passed his arm, but he was stubborn.
"What's wrong? You're not even looking at me."
How could I? It was impossible.
"I'm tired Zayn." I excused myself and took a few candles into the children's room.